106. How to feel confident in your curves
If you feel the shape or size of your body is holding you back - this episode is for you! I chat to Andrea Westbrook - who's a confidence coach for curvy women - about the integral relationship between body and confidence, the way society demonises being fat and how to not let thoughts about your body stop you from speaking up!
Transcript
Sally:
Hello, hello and welcome to the party! Woohoo! I'm in such a celebratory mood today because today is the day. If you were listening to this, on Monday, Feb 21st 2022, this is the day! Doors are opening to My Six Week Voice Makeover for the first time, and I'll tell you what, a long time. So this is my six-week course. Surprise, surprise! It's six weeks. It's my six-week course, which gives a step-by-step process to make an impact every time you speak. So what does that mean? It means it's skills you can take anywhere. It means you have a plan for any speaking scenario. You know how to settle your nerves and warm up your voice. It means your voice will be stronger. Your speech will be clearer. It means you'll be able to engage an audience through not just what you say, but how you deliver it.
Sally:
And you'll not only be saying yes, hell yes, to speaking opportunities. If the past graduates or anything to go by, you will be seeking reasons to speak out. You'll be pursuing it. And of course, you'll be developing a love and appreciation for your beautiful voice. And that is such a precious and underrated relationship. The relationship between you and your voice. So please click the link in the show notes. If the doors aren't quite open, they will be very, very soon. And a star student of My Six Week Voice Makeover happens to be my guest today--Andrea Westbrook. Andrea Westbrook is so awesome. Andrea is a confidence coach for fat, fabulous curvy women. And this is such an important conversation because the relationship between the way we look and the way we feel about ourselves, the stories we tell ourselves is a real thing. Regardless of our size or shape, but it's especially a real thing for women in larger bodies. And both Andrea and I share some pretty personal stories about this topic. Let's dive in.
Sally:
Andrea Westbrook. Welcome to That Voice Podcast. How are you?
Andrea:
Thanks Sally. I am feeling great. So excited to be here.
Sally:
Oh, me too. I'm really getting back into the swing of podcasting. Love it. So Andrea, tell us about your business and why you started it.
Andrea:
Yeah, sure. So Sally, my business is Andrea Westbrook Coaching. And what that means is I'm a confidence and mindset coach for fat, Kirby, and plus size women. Now, I went on a bit of a journey to start this business and to work out who I was going to work with. And when I knew that I wanted to do coaching, I actually thought I wanted to work with a very different group of people. But whenever I spoke about that, that group or that niche as it's called in business industry, I felt flat. And, and when I spoke to my coaching trainer about it, her respnose really made me rethink the direction. And at the same time I was doing a lot of reading and an article was shared with me. It was actually called one type of diversity that we don't talk about at work, and that is body science.
Andrea:
So my career has largely been in HR. So we've talked a lot about inclusion and diversity in terms of race and gender, ability or lack of ability, but never had, I heard anyone talk about body size. And as I read this article, I felt for the first time someone has put what I've been experiencing into words or the discrimination and isolation, the unsolicited advice and just the things that chip away your confidence over the years. And I came to learn that that just like people of color and people who live with a disability or, you know, LGBTQIA people with larger bodies are also marginalized. And that means when we are living in a larger body that doesn't meet society's expectations. Well, we are told that our bodies are wrong, and that really forces us to question our value and impacts how we show up in the world. So that's when I knew it got, kind of got me right in the heart and I thought, 'Yes, this, this is where I need to work. This is where I'm called, and this is where I need to share my voice.'
Sally:
Mm. I absolutely love it. And one thing that does get my frustration boiling up is when I see people misinterpret what body positivity and fat positivity means.
Andrea:
I really struggle on a personal level with body positivity because the origins of body positivity came out of the US in the 1960s. And it was really developed by a group of women of color, who, of different sexualities and gender identities and abilities for a space for them to share their thoughts and their feelings, and to create activism for them and what they to change their experience. And I really believe that body positivity has been hijacked by thin, straight-size privileged white women. And the real intent of body positivity has been lost behind this desire to increase followers and make viral content, and that sort of thing.
Sally:
So what do you think body positivity, bit of a tongue twister, isn't it? What do you think it should be? What is the definition?
Andrea:
To be honest, I don't know the answer to that, but what I do know is that confidence goes far beyond how you feel about your body. Confidence is how you feel about yourself on the inside.
Sally:
Yeah, absolutely. The way I see it is it's, it's about no matter what your body is, no matter what shape or size you are, you should be able to feel confident in it.
Andrea:
Absolutely. Yes. Yes. And so for me, I struggle with associating body positivity with that, because that has become very associated with how you look, and those perfect poses, and those Instagramable photos, and images. So that's why I really try and distinguish myself from body positivity.
Sally:
And so what do you think the relationship is between how confident somebody feels and their size?
Andrea:
It is an integral link and I don't think you can separate it. When I speak to my clients, there's a theme I see over and over again that, you know, fashion curvy and plus size women really struggle with this fear of invisible. Nobody sees me and I'm not important and I'm disregarded because of my size. But then on the flip side, I'm also hyper visible because of my size. You can't miss me. I'm gonna stand out in a group of people or in a meeting at work. And so it's this real balance and juxtaposition of not wanting to be invisible, but wanting to be seen for the right reasons, not for the stereotypes that go around. Well, I associated with having a larger body.
Sally:
Yeah. And what are some of the things that people say? And I know that there's some horrible, straightout awful things that get said, but perhaps what are some of the language that gets used from a good place, but it really comes out the wrong way.
Andrea:
Oh, for sure. A really common one. And I know people say it with kind intent is you are not fat. You are beautiful. And I really hate that because to me, those two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be fat and you can be beautiful. You can be thin and you can be beautiful. There's another one. That came to mind. I remember being told this when I was younger that, 'Oh, you've got such a pretty face', but by a mission that person was saying, or people were saying that your body's pretty terrible. Or, 'You know, you'd be so pretty if you just lost weight.' And for me, I really struggle with that one too, because it's really putting a per placing a person's value entirely on how they look. Not what they have to offer the world. Yeah.
Sally:
When I went to Brazil when I was 19. So 2004, I did an exchange year over there. And it's quite common for exchange students to put on a lot of weight. I dunno why, probably lots of reasons behind it. And I had gone from being kind of a surf beach babe kind of thing from Wollongong to putting on about 20 to 25 kilos when I was over in Brazil and I dyed my hair purple and got a whole lot of piercings and people listening are probably like 'Sal, I wanna see those photos!' You know, maybe I'll share them, but, I found it really, really interesting with the sort of language that was used and how differently people spoke to me. And when I got back, the weight did drop off. I guess, because of the, just the different foods and, and for whatever reason. And I was so surprised, the amount of people, friends, and family that were like, 'Oh, it was a close call there.'
Andrea:
Oh, wow.
Sally:
Like, what do they mean? And, 'Oh, you know, you are okay now.' Like I'd had something horrible happen to me.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Sally:
And I remember thinking, 'Yeah, I guess my confidence wasn't at a all time high.' But I didn't really feel like I had anything that traumatic that had happened to me!
Andrea:
Yeah. But a great example, Sally, of how, as a society, we've really demonized being fat and having a larger body almost to the point where it is the worst possible thing that you could be. Now I think the worst possible thing you could be would be a dictator who commits genocide against their own people. But in our Western society, on a day-to-day basis, we are taught that being fat is the worst thing you can do. And you can be, and you hear, I hear it everyday. You know, you hear pregnant people saying, 'Oh God, I'm so fat and disgusting!' Well, no, you're not. You're just pregnant. Oh. And it's been said to me as well, if you wanna pursue that career, you need to think about how you look, you might wanna do something about your size. Like, so it is really ingrained that being fat is undesirable and the worst thing you can be. So as shocking as it seems, I'm not surprised that those comments were made to you because that's the experience of fat and plus-size women every day.
Sally:
Awful. But the fantastic thing is this. What you are doing now. Coaching fabulous women to be confident. Take us through. What are some of the techniques that you use to help stoke this inner fire of confidence?
Andrea:
Well, one of the first things I really like to do with my clients and in my workshops is really share with people. How did this belief, that being fat, is so terrible? Where did this come from? So we go through all the, the sort of the ideological and the systemic processes or systems that exist that created this, and how the media and diet culture feed into it. And that we can't help but see ourselves this way. And people can't help but see us that because it's just so ingrained. And when we start to unpack that, it really starts to open up and people start to let, 'Okay, it's not me. I can't help but be a product of the society I live in.' And that's really when we can start to then let go of this is not necessarily true.
Andrea:
And then we can start working on the confidence. And in terms of confidence, a lot of people think you've gotta have confidence before you can do the thing that you're scared to do. But I think more and more women are learning that you get the confidence on the other side. It's a bit of courage and bravery that you need in the early stages, but the confidence comes on the other side. So I start to get my clients to do just little things that they're afraid of. So a really common one is eating in public. Now, this might be a surprise, a lot of people, but as a larger person, eating in public makes you a target. Eat a salad, you're gonna be judged. If you eat a hamburger, you're gonna be judged. So I know a lot of women of the larger size avoid that. So we just start with seemingly little things like that. The first time they do it, and then the next time they slowly become more and more confident and happy with and comfortable with that.
Sally:
Yeah. I love that sounds very similar to the process I use with speaking training. You start off with just making a small video.
Andrea:
Yes.
Sally:
Just a bit by bit. So what about that relationship with speaking and feeling like you can speak up and be heard and have a voice?
Andrea:
Yeah, that one is really close to my own heart, because in my career, I used to be terrified to speak up in meetings. Because I knew everyone would look at me, they would see that I'd I was fat. And then I would think that the judgements would start to come in. And so for a lot of my career, I didn't participate. I worked hard and went through the motions. And when I got to the point of wanting promotions and things like that, I didn't speak up because I didn't wanna be seen as assertive or aggressive. Because that's another stereotype that then start that is associated with being fat, your bossy, or you like that woman on the show. Was it the chaser or...
Sally:
Oh yes. The governess.
Andrea:
Yeah. But I realized, you know, I saw myself getting passed-over for promotions. And I'm like, 'Well, what's happening? I'm working hard. I'm being really nice.' So I spoke to a friend who got one of the promotions and she said, 'Oh, I just asked.' I went, 'Oh, as simple as that!' So I went and had the conversation with my boss, worked through all of my fears. And even though I was shaking in that meeting said, 'Hey, I'd really love to be considered for the next opportunity.' And after that, my career just took off. And I realized it had nothing to do with my size. I just hadn't put it on her radar. That that's what I wanted. And so, I think as when you're in a curvy body, you start to tell yourself a lot of stories about what you can't have, and it's not necessarily true. So it's learning how to get that courage to speak up and that confidence, because the first time you do it, then it would just become easier and easier.
Sally:
I love that. Do you do any voice exercises with your clients?
Andrea:
I haven't yet. We certainly can do. Yeah, absolutely. We do a lot of breathing exercises to really get them to breathe deep into their belly. Actually, that's a really good point. The next step is to start getting them to do some of the speaking exercises.
Sally:
Yeah. I love that. And you were a star student of My Six Week Voice Makeover and I'm so proud when I see you out there on social media with what you're doing. It is just absolutely fabulous.
Andrea:
Thank you.
Sally:
Why did you decide to sign up?
Andrea:
Mine was a really physical reason. So when I found myself I'd be presenting on my webinars or workshops and my voice would clam up. My throat would constrict. I would lose my voice. Sometimes I even had coughing fits and it was really embarrassing. And I thought, 'Oh my, I can't keep going like this. This is not giving my potential clients' and clients' confidence in me.' And I knew I had to do something to change, and then I had seen you speak at one of Christine Corcoran's events. So I had been following you and I had been on my radar to do the Six Week Voice Makeover for a while. And when that opportunity came up, I just jumped at it.
Sally:
Yeah. Amazing. And did we solve your problem?
Andrea:
Absolutely! Because now I've got all the tools that I can use to prepare before I speak. And absolutely I have not had that constriction or lost my voice or had a coughing fit in a speaking situation since doing that course. I do lives in my private Facebook group. I get a lot of feedback to say, just getting better and better, more and more confident, more and more clearer. So yeah, absolutely. It's really helped alleviated that problem.
Sally:
Oh, Andrea that's fantastic! So, you were choking up, you were sometimes coughing, losing your breath, which I think a lot of people can relate to.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Sally:
It happens to me when I get over excited sometimes. But then since then, not at all, that is fantastic. That's exactly what I love to hear. So what would you say to anyone who might be on the fence about signing up for the course?
Andrea:
I would say, just do it. Like for me, it was an excellent course. I used the skills that I picked up everyday. And your advice everyday, I feel like when I go into a speaking situation, I feel like I've got Sally sitting on my shoulder saying things like 'Your clients deserve your best voice too.' You know, 'You're a trained speaker now,' 'You can do this.' I really loved, this is probably unique that the sessions were half an hour sessions, because it's so much easier to maintain your focus for 30 minutes than for a full hour. And Sally, you're just so generous with your knowledge, your energy, your resources. I don't think anyone would regret signing up. And these are skills that you have for a lifetime.
Sally:
Oh, Andrea, thank you so much. Yeah. That's the reason that I do them as Facebook lives, not as zooms. Cause whenever you introduce the Q and a, which can be great, you inevitably go longer. So that's why I keep them to half an hour. So people you've got that and you can log in and do it.
Andrea:
I just love, so I really, it was like a power half hour. You could join both calls each week or watch the replay. And yeah, it was a really, I thought flexible way of doing things.
Sally:
Oh, I love that. Fantastic. Was there anything else you wanted to add?
Andrea:
The big thing for me was when I did the course, not only has it helped me become a better speaker, it me to become a better coach. I mentioned it earlier, your voice in my head, it was one of the, my drop moments I had in one of our VIP one-on-one calls. And something you said, and that's when I really realized. And this what sticks with me everyday is that my clients deserve my best voice, too. It's not just for when I'm doing workshops and webinars. It's whenever I'm speaking in public. So yeah, that, that's the one really big thing that has always stuck with me.
Sally:
Oh, I really love that. And for anybody listening, who might be in a fat and fabulous, curvy, larger body, and they are struggling with their confidence, what would you say to them?
Andrea:
I would say to them, 'Babe, I've been there too. I know exactly what you are going through, but with love and support, you are worthy. You're deserving of everything that you want. And you know, there are people out there who can help you and support you. And if you'd like to know more, I'd love for you to reach out and I would love to have a chat with you.'
Sally:
So Andrea, where can people find you?
Andrea:
On Instagram? I'm @andreawestbrookcoaching and my website is www.andreawestbrook.com.au. And if you jump on my website, now I have a new free record, The Ultimate Confidence Checklist, which is jampacked full of great confidence tips so that you can start living the life of your dreams.
Sally:
Love it. And I will put the links to that in my show notes. Andrea Westbrook, oh, it has been so, so lovely chatting with you. Thank you so much for joining the podcast.
Andrea:
Thank you, Sally. I have been so excited. This is a real fan girl moment for me because I've been long admire of you and your podcast. So I'm really thrilled to be here. Thank you.
Sally:
Oh, fantastic. Thank you.
Sally:
Oh, Andrea Westbrook is such a positive force and I'd encourage you to check out her socials. It's @andreawestbrookcoaching. You get lots of color and some really practical confidence tips. So as Andrea explained, My Six Week Voice Makeover is a truly transformational course. If like Andrea you're experiencing coughing and losing your voice or any soreness, you know, this could be a sign. It is likely a sign of bad voice production. And we tackle this thoroughly in the course, doors are open for less than a week and the longer you leave it, the more bonuses you miss out on. So head to the link in the show notes and join My Six Week Voice Makeover.