52. That fear of public speaking
Business owner Lisa Bourke had such a crippling fear of public speaking she even dreaded roll call at school. With the goal of speaking at her wedding Lisa embarked on a journey to speak with confidence - and this episode explains how she does it.
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Check out her business Content Hive HERE
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Transcript
Lisa: I couldn't make sound. I knew what I wanted to say. And I had something to say, I had something to share and my body physically couldn't get the words out.
Sally: Have you ever felt like this before speaking? That crippling anxiety that knot in a stomach that horrifying overwhelm that washes over you. Hopefully after listening to my podcast, you don't feel that way, but I totally get that. A fear of public speaking might be very real for you. It certainly was for today's guest, Lisa Bourke, but you should see her now. I can't wait to share her story.
I'm Sally Prosser. You're listening to That Voice Podcast, no matter who you are or what you do, your voice matters. So unless you've sworn a lifetime vow of silence, this is the podcast for you.
Before we get into today's episode with Lisa, I'd love to invite you to join my Members Only- come hang out with a bunch of beautiful people from all around the world, gaining confidence in speaking, loving their voice and of course toasting the good vibes.
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Now it's my great pleasure to welcome Lisa Bourke to the podcast. Lisa and I have worked together one-on-one and it's been so great seeing her confidence bloom and her business boom, her business is Content Hive. It's all about getting brands buzzing online. I love that. Lisa's a boss, babe. She's rocking it, but Lisa's also had a real struggle with public speaking. And as she explains, it never really goes away. Her story will help you and inspire you, especially if this is something you battle also.
Lisa Bourke welcome to That Voice Podcast. It's so great to have you.
Lisa: Thanks for having me, Sally. It's great to finally be here.
Sally: So could you do your job if you lost your voice?
Lisa: Look, I'm going to say yes, but not very well for me my voice is a tool that allows me to build confidence and trust really quickly with my clients. So if I didn't have that, I don't really know how I would be able to do that or at least do that quite quickly. Yeah.
Sally: And do you do a lot of public speaking in your role now?
Lisa: Not as much as I would like to. I have been invited onto a couple of podcasts, like your one today. So I'm looking for those opportunities and yeah, if you'd asked me five years ago, if I would be on a podcast or, or hopping up and talking on stage, I would have said absolutely no way, but no times have changed and I'm really looking forward to getting that experience and putting my voice out there.
Sally: Yeah. Because you haven't always loved public speaking. It's been quite the opposite. Take us through how you felt about public speaking when you were a child.
Lisa: Okay. Where do I start? So I have a three year old daughter right now and she reminds me of me when I was that age. So she is just this little superstar. She loves performing and talking and singing and all those type of things. And I actually used to be just like that. And then something changed and my little world actually came crumbling down. My dad came home one day. We lived in a country town - had all of my life. I was about six years old. My dad came home with exciting news and told us all that he had a promotion and what that meant was we were going to uproot and move to a completely new town. And my parents had no idea and I probably didn't have any idea at that time, but that for me was traumatic. And instantly I developed a fear of public speaking. It traumatized me that much that I went from loving to talk and talking to anybody, to not wanting to talk to anybody and being scared to go across the road and ask neighbours for some milk. So, yeah, that was the start of my fear of public speaking. And I lived with that through the rest of my childhood and into my early adult hood. So I did a very good job of putting on a strong suit and finding ways to avoid situations where I would have to talk things like even just roll call at school. It was crippling every single morning I would sit there and I would get so worked up and so anxious that all I had to do was call out my name and I couldn't even do that. I was so scared.
Sally: And do you think it was because you didn't want all the attention to be focused on you? Cause I know when in roll call, when someone says your name, it's like everybody's focusing on you or was it more your ability to make sound?
Lisa: It was more physical. I couldn't, I couldn't make sound. I knew what I wanted to say. And I had something to say I had something to share and my body physically couldn't get the words out.
Sally: Wow. So what about at school when there was a speech that you had to do for English or something like that?
Lisa: Look, I rambled my way through. I talked as quickly as I could. I would I would not turn up, I would call in sick. Another tactic that I found was that I had to just be funny. So I figured that if I could get up and make people laugh, they wouldn't notice the way that I was talking or the fear that was coming up for me around talking.
Sally: Wow. I think humour is something a lot of people use to cover up something deeper. So you said this was all the way through your teenage years and into your adulthood. What changed?
Lisa: Funny story before we jump into that, I actually, in my early twenties, I finished my university degree and I got a job straight out of uni and every Monday morning we would have to sit around a table and do a bit of a whip. And I was like, no, can't do this. So I went out on my own and I started my own business and I know that sounds really crazy, but the reason why I did that was because that allowed me to control when and where I would have to speak. So yeah, being able to speak and being able to speak with confidence was always something that I wanted to do and I was trying to do it, but I never really found that, that you know, that winning formula as such having said that my husband or my now husband proposed to me back in 2013, 2014. And it was that point in time where I said, enough's enough. I need to stop. And I need to do whatever I can to be able to stand up on my wedding day and share my story with the people that I love the most. It was so important for me to be able to do that, that I spent a good 12 months doing everything that I could. I read books, I got an NLP coach. I did Reiki. I went and put myself out in situations where I would have to stand up and talk and just push through being uncomfortable to finally be able to do it. And I stood up on my wedding day in front of all of my wonderful guests and I spoke with so much confidence. It was, yeah. It was such an amazing experience to be able to finally speak my voice. Yeah.
Sally: Wow, it's such a beautiful story. So you mentioned that you tried a whole range of different things. Do you think it was the combination of all of them or is there one particular thing that you did that worked the most effectively?
Lisa: I think everything played its part, but definitely having a coach having that person that believed in you was really important for me. So yeah, definitely. I think that was the core of it. And then the other pieces sort of helped it all come together.
Sally: So after that amazing speech of the wedding, was it like the switch flipped and it just became easier from that moment on?
Lisa: Well, no, no, it didn't, it didn't become easier. And one thing that I did learn from that 12 month period was there's always going to be fear. There's always going to be being uncomfortable, but it's how you, how you embrace that. So rather than running from the fear I ran into it. So now I have the tools to know what to do to allow me to hop up and talk and actually embrace that fear and use that energy to present rather than to squash.
Sally: I love that. Run into the fear. Don't run away from it.
Lisa: Yep. Yep. So don't get me wrong. I still get super nervous. I'm even nervous today talking, talking on the podcast, but I've just found a way to use that energy. I don't really know if anyone doesn't feel the butterflies or feel the nerves. So yeah, it's just a matter of twisting it and yeah. Knowing what to do. Yeah.
Sally: Yeah. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Lisa: A hundred percent.
Sally: Love that. And by the way, what you've done, Lisa has to be one of my favorite stories for how to get out of public speaking, just starting your own business, you know, so you can decide if you speak.
Lisa: It's a control thing. So school uni working for somebody else, it's totally out of your control. If someone says to you, Hey Lisa, can you hop up and just talk to the team? Or can you let everyone know what you're up to? Or can you jump on the call with this client or do a presentation? And I knew, I couldn't say no, I didn't, you know, I didn't want to share that I had that fear. So I kept that to myself and some of my closest friends and family wouldn't even know what I went through. I did such a good job of hiding it. So yeah, it's all about that control. So I guess in a way I kind of ran into the fear a little bit, but there was still definitely the avoidance there. So if I, for example, if it was my business and I knew I had to do a presentation or talk in front of clients, if I wasn't feeling right, that was up to me to say, can we postpone?
Sally: And now that you are running your own business, take us through a little bit of the kinds of speaking that you find yourself doing - podcasting is one, but what other areas of your business do you find that the skill is most useful?
Lisa: I think for me, it's, it's coming back to that initial engagement. So being able to jump on a call or jump on a zoom call or go out and sit with a client, we'll sit with a group of clients or a boardroom full of people or top executives and be able to stand up and authentically share my story and share how my business can help them. It's just, it's super empowering because there's nothing worse than wanting to be able to say something and not being able to say it.
Sally: Yeah. Amen to that. So we worked together for a little while, which was great. And now do you find that it's just about, you know, continuing to work with coaches from time to time or listening to podcasts or what are the things that you do to try to just keep that confidence in speaking up?
Lisa: So I think you have to keep the practice up. It's like playing the guitar or something like that. I had my two kids in the last couple of years and I really found after that, I took a bit of a confidence dive because I was at home with the kids all the time. I wasn't interacting, wasn't put in situations where I had to hop up and talk. So that's where I engaged your services, Sally. And you sort of helped me get back to that level where I had that confidence to jump back in and hence the reason for starting the business and being confident to put my voice out there to the world and share with people what I have to offer.
Sally: And you have so much to offer so that warms my heart. With all the work you've done what would be your top public speaking tip?
Lisa: Preparation is key. One of the things that I always did when I had the fear was I would just avoid, so I wouldn't do any preparation because even the, even the thought of having to prepare would just make me feel so sick. So again, it came back to that actual physical component of the fear. So yeah, being able to prepare and practice you know, practice with a friend or practice with a family member, or just jump in front of a mirror. Working with you, Sally was fantastic because you gave me those more technical skills in terms of warming up and energizing the body and the voice and the mind and the breath is so important. So having those skills just means that if I'm going to jump on a podcast or I'm going to hop up on stage and talk, I can be in the zone for anyone out there that does have a fear of public speaking. I want to let you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can push through it if you're willing to put in the work. So if anyone wants to reach out to me on LinkedIn or through my website, I'm happy to jump on a call and share more about my story or the tactics that I used to get over that. And yeah, just keep pushing because it's worth it.
Sally: Yeess it is so worth it, I can definitely vouch for that. And of course if you don’t want to reach out to Lisa, I happened to know someone else who can help in this area. And my Members Only community is perfect – because you’ll not only find the resources and the tips, you’ll get your own speaking fan club. And as mentioned earlier the link to join us in Members Only is in the show notes. Now Lisa, if someone is feeling overwhelmed with content creation and would like to work with you, what should they do?
Lisa: So the easiest way for people to work with me is probably to jump over to my website. So I've created a special link. If you go to contenthive.com.au/voice that I use forward slash voice I've got a special offer for your listeners where they can jump on a free strategy call with me where I can have a look at their brand and I can show them how they can use content to explode it online, essentially.
Sally: What a generous offer. That's fantastic. So a free strategy call where you will look at the content and seeing what direction it needs to take?
Lisa: Yeah, absolutely. So the thing that I love the most is I, you know, I jump on a call with my clients each week and they say to me, Lisa, we're busy and I go, great. It's working. So I love being able to take that pressure off the business owner, where they have to be consistently creating that high level content. We sort of take that pressure off and we take care of that part. So you can get back to doing what you're good at doing. So that's what content hive is all about. So yeah, happy to help and jump on a call with anybody.
Sally: Amazing, thank you, Lisa so much for coming on that voice podcast.
Lisa: Thank you for having me, Sally. I'm looking forward to catching up with you soon.
Sally: Thanks for listening to That Voice Podcast episode details straight to your inbox, leave your email at www.thatvoicepodcast.com.