72. Learning to speak again

At 24, Lisa Cox suffered a brain haemorrhage in the middle of an airport which left her in a coma for three weeks, life support for two months and more than a year in hospital. She had to relearn many things, including how to speak. In this episode Lisa shares how she rediscovered her voice and how she's using it to be a fierce advocate for the disability community.

Hi, I'm Sally Prosser. Welcome to That Voice Podcast. Great to have you here! I believe your voice matters and deserves to be heard. I started this podcast to share free practical tips to help you speak with more confidence, to grow your business, advance your career and avoid totally freaking out about public speaking. As a former TV journalist and company spokesperson, qualified speech and drama teacher, TikToker and general lover of life, I know firsthand about the power of showing up with confidence. Your voice is the soundtrack to your personal brand. Are you ready to turn it up?

Sally:

Hey, Hey. Hey! Welcome to Episode 72 of That Voice Podcast. My beautiful guest today is Lisa Cox. Lisa's a writer, a speaker, an all-round lovely human who's out there changing the way disability is represented in mainstream pop culture. And she speaks from experience. At just 24, she was at Melbourne Airport and out of the blue had a brain hemorrhage. This put her in a coma and on life support with lots of physical challenges--including waking up and not being able to speak. I chat to Lisa about her experience in finding her voice again, not just the physical one, but the metaphorical voice too, to become such a strong leader in conversations around diversity and inclusion. I look forward to bringing you our chat very soon!

But first, are you sick of getting nervous before speaking tired of saying "uhms" and "ahs" and tripping over your words, frustrated your voice sounds weak or boring?

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Okay. Let's dive into my chat with the wonderful Lisa Cox. Lisa Cox, a huge welcome to That Voice Podcast.

Lisa:

Thanks so much, Sally. It's great to be here!

Sally:

So take us through, what has been your experience of losing your voice?

Lisa:

So when I was 24, I had my voice. I was, I was working in advertising quite happily. And then without any warning, one morning at Melbourne Airport, I had a brain hemorrhage or a stroke. Turns out that was caused by a rare version of the Strep A virus. So I spent three weeks in a coma, two months on life support. And every year in the hospital, after that, um, my left and right toes and my fingertips were amputated. Heart surgery and a total hip replacement came next. But I suppose they're the very physical things that you can see, I'm in a wheelchair now and a prosthetic leg, but the bigger challenges in my life are definitely the invisible disabilities. So my speech was affected. Um, I slur my words a lot. I'm better in the mornings. But, my speech was affected. I'm I'm over 25 percent blind. And so in the really early days, I had tubes coming from everywhere. Big tube in my throat and things like that. So I can't remember this time that my parents have told me that to communicate, I would point at a board of letters, something like a keyboard and spell out each word, letter by letter. And that was how I would communicate. So I often, um, have said it in different presentations, in all sorts of people that I'm so grateful for the opportunity to speak with them, because something so simple that I certainly took for granted was taken away from me. And as a bit of a chatterbox, uh, it was not a lot of fun.

Sally:

Yeah. Can you remember what it felt like to wake up and not be able to talk or form words like you used to? My goodness, speaking of not having a voice, I've just had a little, small bout of a sore throat...

Lisa:

Oh no! Sorry to hear that!

Sally:

For a voice coach. It's one of those things, that we don't know what we've got until it's gone.

Lisa:

That's exactly right. And prior to that I was doing all, all sorts of fun, things like that. So losing that tool was, was a bit of, a bit of a downer. And, um, as we explained off air, I, I lost my voice and had to find it both literally and metaphorically because learning to speak again was difficult. But then also finding my voice in terms of things, the ability to advocate as I am now, uh, speaking up and speaking my truth and saying the quite unpopular things sometimes and has certainly been a challenge as well. And I don't have a very clear recollection of when I first came out of the coma and was trying to communicate, as I mentioned, even now my, my voice is still slow sometimes. And I, I joked to the people that it sounded like, have a thick Scottish accent and unless you know me well, and you know what means what, it can be difficult to understand me at some times a day. But, um, yeah, it's, it's been a bit of a journey, but learning to speak, coherently again was a bit difficult and something that I still struggle with time to time, to be honest. Yeah.

Sally:

Yes, I think everybody struggles to speak coherently from time to time! I know, I certainly do. So Lisa, you are out there as a really strong voice for people with disabilities. You are just killing it. You are always looking amazing. I admire you so much. Take us through what are the challenges in finding that metaphorical voice.

Lisa:

The one thing I’ll preface this by saying is that I never ever had intended to speak on behalf of every single disabled person. I don't think anyone should. I think it's really dangerous when people try to, but in terms of how best to go about it, I suppose people's expectations and, um, the, the desire to please everyone and get it a lot. And, um, but like to swear, I don't know if I'm allowed to swear...

Sally:

This is a swear-friendly podcast.

Lisa:

But, um, this idea that I have to be a people pleaser and say the right thing that is, everyone's going to agree with. I suppose. I have the understanding that not everybody is going to agree with me. Some people are going to absolutely hate what I say, and that's fine. That's, that's their opinion. They're entitled to it.

Sally:

Can you share with us any times where that's happened? Has there been a moment where you have said something and people haven't reacted so well?

Lisa:

Um, this is a very small example, but it can be around language. So in the disability sector, some people prefer certain words to use and others don't. So I always try and say, this is, this is my opinion, or this is where I personally feel or have experienced, but obviously it's different for everybody else. So something as small as people with a disability versus disabled people, or really small nuances like that, in language structure can rub some people up the wrong way. So I do try and speak from my experiences only.

Sally:

Yeah I think that's a really great example because it's one of those areas where everybody wants to be saying who want a better word, the right thing.

Lisa:

Oh, for sure. And having spent first 24 years of my life without a disability, I really wanted to say the right thing and be inclusive and diverse. I was terrified I would be stepping on someone's toes and offending people. So I absolutely understand and can empathize with non-disabled people today who maybe aren't quite sure what to say and don't want to offend me or anybody else. And that's why I collaborate these days with friends and businesses who genuinely want to be more inclusive and diverse, but just need a bit more, bit more help around how to do us and without being tokenistic, or Offending people and being called out on Twitter and things like that.

Sally:

Oh gosh. It can be a bit of a minefield, can't it?

Lisa:

I think it comes down to intention. I mean, I'm working with journalists to, at the moment for many diversity Australia, um, trying to educate there and back the right language to use something as small as “Lisa is a wheelchair user. l try to use that instead of “Lisa is wheelchair bound” or “confined to a wheelchair.” That's just one really small example because I know that journalists don't go out of their way to be absolute assholes. They're great people. They just need that education. So I think it's about the intent. And if you know, someone who had no malice intended, then it's very different.

Sally:

Yes their education, isn't it? Because language does matter. For sure.

Lisa:

Yeah.

Sally:

And so now you're still speaking? I guess, not so much with COVID.

Lisa:

Now it's all been virtual. I miss live audiences, I really do! I'd get a look of energy from my audiences. And of course it's, it's much easier to read the room when you're in the room. So seeing blank Zoom screens up there, or just just pictures or initials or avatars, it became very difficult to, to know if say if the joke had landed or if you talk something to death and really need to move on quickly, or if people were raising their eyebrows or nodding and you needed to explain things more. So I'm really missing that sort of interaction that I would normally get from a live audience.

Sally:

Yeah. I totally hear you there. And have you been using any strategies to help you with that? Like I know, I imagine the audience is in front of my computer screen. I imagine they're all loving it. I imagine they're all laughing at my jokes.

Lisa:

I certainly would like to think that too, some of the presentations are ones that I've done before when I did have a live audience. So I do have an idea of what, what is funny and what is not, and things like that. Some of the times, I just get the laugh of my own joke or assume that's, it's not funny and just, just keep moving along.

Sally:

And what about preparing your voice? So do you do voice warmups? Um, how do you prepare before a speaking engagement whether it be online or in person?

Lisa:

I rehearse the presentation as best I can. And I suppose then I know specific voice warmups at the moment. I have tried some in the past, but it tends to be more a case of just saying things out loud. I want to, I want them to come across because obviously they sound quite different in my head and the way I say it out loud on people. Geez, that's going to be taken out of context. So I think sometimes certain points are best said out loud. It helps my brain to process it a bit better. Do I suppose, what you're audience probably not as this from my story, but I have a permanent brain injury now so processing information, even if it's my own information and what I want to say, uh, that can be a bit difficult from time. So a bit of preparation certainly helps.

Sally:

Yeah, and I think the value of speaking things out loud can't be emphasized enough. So often the way we think it's going to come out is different to how it actually does come out. So practicing saying things out loud, it's really, really important.

Lisa:

So true.

Sally:

Yeah. So what's next? What's on the agenda for this year, anything coming up?

Lisa:

I've just got off a Zoom call. I can't mention more details at the moment, but it's a really exciting project with, um, to do with fashion. That's, that's all I can say but I'm consulting with the national organization who wants to be inclusive and diverse, but one, a few, a few pointers on how to best do that. I suppose. So I am absolutely thrilled because I've been on the case for years and I've finally decided to have a chat and shout me out.

Sally:

That is so exciting! So you heard it here first. So Lisa, what would you say to somebody else who might have been in a similar situation to yourself who either is living with a disability, either from birth or through something happening, like in your case, and they are really struggling to find their voice and be able to speak their truth. What would you say to them?

Lisa:

Start small. You don't have to go out on the cover of the Sydney Morning Herald straight away, um, start small, whether it's a social media post or something like that. Just to get your confidence up and find, find the right language that you want to put forward as, as your own. I suppose I'm, uh, I really fierce advocate now, but I am in some ways grateful that I didn't have access to an Instagram account 16 years ago when I first acquired my disability, because I would have been saying all sorts of weird. And one of the things that really weigh they're not right in that they were incorrect language to use, um, in the disability community or that they just aren't true today. So starting, starting really small and getting comfortable with sharing my thoughts, even if it's just a really close circle, family, friends, my husband has far too much all the things running through my head and then grow that slowly.

Sally:

Fantastic advice! Progress over perfection? Isn't it. It's just one small state.

Lisa:

Exactly right!

Sally:

Sometimes things can seem so, so enormous. You know, we compare ourselves to somebody else who's a lot further along and just think we can get there tomorrow. You know.

Lisa:

Exactly right. Don't compare your beginning with somebody else's halfway or end point or, or something like that. So I would absolutely hate anybody just starting out now to look at what I'm doing or somebody else was doing, because I've been doing this for over a decade now. So certainly not comparable!

Sally:

Love that! And Lisa, was there anything else you wanted to add?

Lisa:

Nothing that I can think of unless through brand managers and other business decision makers out there who would like to include representation, stability in that their brand and business strategy, please get in touch.

Sally:

That was my next question. How can people work with you, reach out to you?

Lisa:

Well, my website's, lisacox.co, L-I-S-A- C-O-X.co, is one way. It's got backstory on there as well. And that's also my Instagram name, lisacox.co. I am on other platforms, but very rarely check them. You know, I think it took me six months to reply to a LinkedIn message from you or somebody else recently. But Instagram is definitely the platform where I spend most of my time doing most of my work.

Sally:

Oh, fantastic. Lisa Cox. Thank you so much for joining That Voice Podcast.

Lisa:

Thank you, Sally!

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