79. How to deal with public speaking nerves

Do you get nervous before public speaking and have no idea what to do? Well this is the episode for you. I take you through my tried-and-tested three step system to embrace those nerves and speak with confidence (and avoid vomiting in a pot plant).

Transcript

Hello, hello! Welcome to Episode 79, "How to deal with public speaking nerves". As you can imagine, this is a question I get asked quite a lot. And earlier today I was working with a gorgeous client in America who has the opportunity to do some live television. And she said, "Sal, I'm excited about this, but I'm totally freaking out. I get so nervous. My mouth fills with saliva, I get all tense, I can't breathe, I have a brain freeze... Do you have any strategies to help?" And of course, I said, "Yes, yes I do. This is what I'm here for." Now, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, nothing I shared today is going to be new. You just may not have heard it packaged up in this way. It's such an important topic. I haven't really talked about nerves for a while, so I thought this would be a good episode to give you a high-level overview of what to do when those nerves strike. Whether it be before live television or going live online, or speaking on stage, or any scenario where you have to speak, and those nerves strike.

Now, this is also what forms the first three weeks or whole first half of My Six Week Voice Makeover. So if the concepts I'm going over today sound like something you want to learn more about and work on for yourself, then come and do My Six Week Voice Makeover because this is what we cover.

Okay. So you're feeling nervous. Just remember these three words. And they work kind of in a triangle. And I'm talking about the mind, the body and the breath. The mind, the body, and the breath. If you can get the mind, the body, and the breath all in harmony, then you're gonna able to embrace those nerves and get on with the job!

All right. So first of all, is the mind, Oh my gosh. How many times do I say it? Our real voice is a megaphone for our inner voice. And if we don't get that self-talk under control, it is going to sabotage everything. So that's the first thing to get under control. And this is something that is much better done at not in the heat of the moment. All right. So, in peace time when you're not freaking out, I want you to down into that negative inner voice, that inner critic. What is it saying? And write it down in third person. So, I'm not putting thoughts in your head right now. These are just ones I hear quite commonly: "You don't know enough." "Your voice is going to fail you." "Who are you to be speaking on this?" "You're going to stumble." Right? Oh my gosh. So many phrases that would come to mind, write them down. And then when you've written them all down, take a look closer and start to scrutinize them.

And then when you scrutinize them. So for example, "You don't know enough." Well, what is enough? What is your definition of enough? When will you know enough? Remember, that knowing too much about a subject makes you a terrible communicator. And so we can start to see right. "Well, am I just setting this unrealistic, the finish line that will never be enough? That's silly." So then we would change the phrase, and make it into the affirmation. Turn it into first person. "I know more than enough." Right? If the thought is your voice is going to fail you, as was the case with my client, we talked about changing it to: "My voice is here for me. I've had professional voice training. I have come so far."

So often, our inner voice is just there trying to protect us because we might've had a bad experience in the past. You know, so constantly our brain does not want to take us out of the comfort zone. And if we've been out before and we've got burned, like we've had a bad speaking experience, then our caveman part of the brain is saying, "Do not go back out there! You got burned. Are you crazy?" But we have to rise above that and know that well, that was in the past. We're going to rewrite the story. It's going to be a different scenario. "I've come so far." Now I'm keeping this high level because I don't want this podcast to go on too long. But this is an area that I work on with my one-on-one clients. And we dive deeper into this in Week One of My Six Week Voice Makeover.

So you've written down your affirmations. And I always like to finish with a bit of gratitude. "I'm grateful for the opportunity. And I was born to do this." That's one of my favorites. Then, once you've got them all written out, write it, say it record it, play it, and repeat this process until you believe it. Write it, say it, record it, play it, and repeat it until you believe it. "I'm grateful for this opportunity. They want to listen to me. I deserve this space. I was born to do this!" Whatever it is, have it so familiar when those nerves strike in the moment, you have got that positive, self-talk there at the ready. And if you actually have it recorded your phone, then you can put your headphones in and just play it. But it is there. It is so accessible.

Then we move on to the body. And this is where you physically feel how your nerves are manifesting. So it could be a pounding chest. The heart pounding in the chest, butterflies in the tummy, sweaty palms. Feeling like your neck is being restricted by a boa constrictor. A dry mouth. Could be too much saliva. Could be pacing up and down the room, shaking the leg, tapping the hand. There are so many different symptoms of feeling nervous. Imagine that those nerves, that anxiety, that adrenaline, that jittery feeling inside you. Imagine they're little gorgeous fireflies and you need to free them! They're just trapped. They're trying to get out. So free the fireflies by physically dancing, moving, stretching, push-ups against the wall, twisting. Anything to get the body moving. So rather than going, "Oh my God, the nerves are here and I hate that. I'm nervous and I feel sick." and rejecting them, embrace them and just give them somewhere to go. Move that energy through you. And that's why I really believe in music. It's also nice to have a theme song. It really helps with, with feeling confident. And that was a great tip that I heard on my clubhouse room this morning.

And so what is your theme song for me? Probably, Dolly Parton 9 to 5, pour myself a cup of ambition. I play that and I'm feeling ready to go. So what is it for you to help you get your body feeling strong? Feeling grounded? After you've moved that energy through you, are you connected to the floor? Imagine your legs, tree trunks. And the roots of that tree is stretching throughout the whole entire floor. You are being supported by not your two little legs, but the whole floor. And when you walk, the whole floor moves with you. If you want to look really sexy and hot walking down the street, visualize this. Visualize with every step that you take, the whole entire road is moving with you. And I guarantee, it's going to change that aura.

So body the second one. And the last one is the breath. So we've got, "What am I thinking?", "How am I feeling?" And then, "Where is the breath going?" We want the breath to go in a low and deep. I've done a lot of episodes about breathing. We spend a whole week on this in My Six Week Voice Makeover. We want the air to be going low and deep, breathing into your belly. And remembering to breathe out. So often we get tense and the air gets stuck. And we literally just can't make a sound because we are not breathing out. That's where you get this really restricted sound. So it's important to breathe out, to get the air going out, use the sound, "Shhhhh" that wasn't the podcast doing crazy things. That was me doing the "Shhh"m like the "Be quiet!" kind of sound. And that will help get that air flowing out. If you feel yourself panicking hyperventilating a little bit.

Now, the next thing you can do is imagine you are breathing out through a straw. Now this helps because if you exhale for longer than you inhale, right? So breathe out for longer than you breathe in. You're going to activate the vagus nerve, which will slow down the heart rate, right? Let's not get into the scientific side, but it will slow down the heart rate. It will get you out of that nervous state out of that fight or flight feeling. So it's nice belly breath in, and then imagining you're breathing out through a little straw.

That probably sounds very creepy in your ear, but you get the idea. Breathe out as long as you can. And then, repeat. Just going through that process once should really get those nerves under control, but... Maybe not repeat, go back mindset, body, breathing, mind, body breath. What am I thinking?", "How am I feeling?", "Where is the breath going?". And that's the three-step strategy that I go through to deal with nerves. It forms the first three weeks of My Six Week Voice Makeover. If your name's not on the wait list, then get on that because we are starting again on July 5th at 2021. Also, come along to Voice and Vinho. So Voice and Vinho virtual will touch on all of these things as well. It's the taster event for My Six Week Voice Makeover. So if you're kind of on the fence or you're not really sure about the full program, well, I don't know why it wouldn't be because it is bloody awesome. All right. So say so myself. But come along to Voice and Vinho virtual, I've got the links of both the waitlist and the Voice and Vinho virtual event in the show notes.

So there you have it. When the nerves strike, don't just freak out and say, "What the hell do I do?". When the nerves strikes, you say, "Right. Mind, body breath." Work through those three steps, work through that triangle: mind, body, breath. And yeah, totally works for me, works for lots of my clients. And I'm sure it will work for you.