116. Former soap star Carla Bonner on speaking, spirituality and self-discovery

Carla Bonner is best known for her role as Stephanie Scully in the long-running TV show Neighbours, and in this episode we get a glimpse of the amazing woman behind the character.

Carla shares how she came to be on Neighbours, what voice training she’s had, how she was terrified of public speaking and how she overcame that. Carla also shares what she’s up to now as a coach, what spirituality means to her and she offers an amazing piece of advice for how to speak from your soul.

Transcript:

Welcome to That Voice Podcast! I am Sally. Welcome back. If you're a loyal listener, really appreciate you. Thank you. Today's guest is someone you might recognize from your TV screen, especially if you grew up in Australia or the UK. Carla Bonner is best known for her role as Stephanie Scully in the long running TV series 'Neighbours'. I met Carla through the Dharma Coaching Institute where we studied to help people find their life purpose.

Believe me, it's a lot easier to find your voice. If you first find your purpose. Anyway, after getting to know a bit about Carla, of course, I had to invite her on the podcast. In this episode, Carla shares how she came to be on Neighbours. What voice training she's had, how she was terrified of public speaking and how she overcame that.

Carla also shares what she's up to now as a purpose and life coach, what spirituality means to her. And she offers an amazing piece of advice for how to speak from your soul. Speaking of which today, Monday, May 2nd doors are now open to my six week online course speak from your soul. If you want to speak your truth without fear of judgment, if you want to feel free to speak openly and honestly communicating what you really want to say, speak with purpose, clarity in authenticity and connect with your inner voice, this is the course for you. It's incredibly soulful and also incredibly practical. Of course, all the good stuff's in there. There's videos, eBooks, meditations, and most of all live circles where you get the opportunity to share your voice. I will link in the show notes, not to the waitlist, but to the signup page. Doors are open now and they close on Saturday, Saturday, May 7th.

Um, but the longer you leave it, the more bonuses that you're going to miss out on. Okay. I'll link to that in the show notes, speak from your soul, doors open now. Cannot wait to get the party started, but I have kept you hanging long enough gravity settling and enjoy this incredible conversation with Carla Bonner.

Carla Bonner, welcome to That Voice Podcast. It is such an honor to have you on the show.

Carla: Oh, thanks Sally! It's a pleasure to be here.

Sally: Being in the public eye, I'm sure a lot of people would come up to you like they already know you. What's the usual question that they start with?

Carla: Are you that or you that, yeah, you're not... are you? That kind of thing.

And actually, you know, it's really funny is, um, I was on a train in Sydney and this guy sat across from me and it was quite an empty carriage and he's looking at me and, and, you know, he's kind of doing the head tilt thing and I've seen it many, many times and I started making assumptions on what he was thinking.

And, and then he said, You're from Superwog!, and I'm like, Yes! Because I did like, you know, I did an episode on, uh, on ABC production for Superwog. It was hilarious that it wasn't Neighbours at all. It was super walk, which has its own sort of cult following. And it was gorgeous. Yeah. It was really funny.

Sally: Oh, I love that. I guess you get this question a lot as well is how did you first get into Neighbours?

Carla: Uh, so I was a little girl with a huge dream. And I used to perform all the time and make my family sit as the audience and set up the stage and set up the seating and everything. And it was quite a ritual of mine. I loved it. And so I got myself into, into, to the local theater company at about eight years old.

Like everything was very driven by me and I, at about 12 years old, I'd sit there with the yellow pages. And for those listeners that don't know what the yellow pages are, I'm showing my age, but, um, you know, it's the directory, the, the business directory and I just flick through and I'd find casting agents. And then I'd call them and ask them if I can have an audition!

One day it worked. She said, yes, yes. We'd love to see your gen, a general audition. So I jumped on to trains and went to the other side of the city to go and have this general audition. And, um, it was amazing. And so then I continued on and my family were, I guess, fearful of rejection. And therefore that was sort of projected onto me. As a kid though, I saw that as something wrong with me, rather than their fears.

So I just had this dream. This is what I'm doing. I didn't have a plan B, this is what I'm doing. And so, yeah, I went through school and I was involved in everything-- acting and drama and theater and anything I could do. And so then I had a baby when I was a baby, and then I knew that I needed to take a few years off the dream because I needed to establish this kid in the world, into the world and get him sorted.

And, and, you know, then I could turn back to it. Um, and so I did that and then I got myself into just an extras agency. And when I started doing extras work, like loved it, but hated it because it was, there was a real sort of hierarchy thing going on. And I just, I just really despised it, really detested it and swore that when I get there, I will never treat people like this because you know, they're treated like cattle.

So then I continued on and I was doing more courses and master classes and workshops. And, and I was discovered by an acting agent who came to watch our class, do our bits and pulled me aside afterward. And it was, you know, every biting actor's dream to be picked up by an acting agent. Probably six months into it, I then fell pregnant with my second baby. He was like, no, but you know, as women do, he, um, he had big plans to me, but the divine had other plans for me. So went with that, had my second baby. And then when he was born, I jumped straight back into the game and was auditioning straight away, like middle of breastfeeding, running, do my audition, then come back out and keep breastfeeding and sort of thing.

And then when Jay was 18 months old and Holly was seven, I was on my way just to a play date. And I thought I should take my headshots into my agent. Like I just have this gut, this voice inside, say, take your headshots over to your agent now, before you go on the play date. So I did that, diverted across the city.

And I walked up the stairs and I walked into my agent's office and she was husband and wife team. And she was on the phone to Australia's beautiful Jan Russ, who was in casting for Neighbours for many, many, many, many, many, many years. And, um, my agent looked at me and her mouth just dropped and she said, Carla Bonner has just walked through the door.

So she got off the phone and she said to me, Jan Russ wants to see you immediately. So I jumped back in the car and went back across the city to Jan's office. And when I walked in, she just grabbed my baby, threw a script at me and said, do the best with that you can, that's what we call a cold read. So I just did this. I did this, did this audition. It was weird and wild and wonderful. And then the next day I got a call to say, I've got a call back and went into the studio. And had a call back with the sisters, the girls that were to play my sisters. And what had happened was the role of Steph had already been cast. The Scully family had been filming for six weeks.

When the original Steph woman cast as Steph said, I can't do this. I can't, she had a bit of a meltdown and so they needed to desperately recast Steph. So, you know, I come. And by the third day I got the call to say, you got the job. And so then I had to go back into the production office and they, they throw all this information at you.

And so it was like a pile of scripts and a schedule that was kind of complicated to understand, especially if you're coming in from the outside, you've got no idea how it works. And they said, here's the schedule. You've got 19 scenes starting tomorrow morning, develop the character of Steph. You've got a 6:00 AM start.

So I had literally 13 hours to sort of step into the shoes of Steph Scully and learn 19 scences, and hit the ground running. So it was just like a complete, a completely unexpected. Everything I'd been working toward the whole life, the completely unexpected circumstances. So, yeah, and then it was like 19 scenes every day for six weeks because I had to reshoot everything that they'd already shot with the, this other woman who plays it.

So yeah, it was a bit of a trial by fire.

Sally: Wow. What a story! I love the idea of no plan B. There's just a plan. A you've got to go for it and being just a young girl and calling up people on the phone. I know I used to be a journalist and so you get very used to just ringing strangers and a lot of the time they're not wanting to speak to you.

But I also see with a lot of people I work with there's that fear around cold calling. There's that fear around how do I make that happen? But I love the courage of ten-year-old Carla. Does bringing the numbers and then jumping on the train and making it happen.

Carla: The only way I knew how to make my dream come true. It's the only way. I mean, now for me to have that kind of courage to make a cold call. No, I really don't.

I just don't really like I did then.

Sally: Why do you think that is? Why do you think we have that confidence and that courage when we're younger and then tend to lose it as we get older?

Carla: Because society beats the shit out of us.

It beats it out of us. If we get indoctrinated into. Other systems and, and ways that we need to conduct ourselves and measures of success. And yeah, I mean, that's, that's a deep one because if you look at it from when we're born, you know, and what we're connected to when we're born and then, you know, it's kind of, it's kind of beaten out of us.

And then, yeah. So I think that's why. It's like before society really gets its grip on us. Um, we have no fear.

Sally: Yeah. That's, we've got a return to that as much as we can.

Carla: Yeah. That's that's and that's the work I do, is returning to self, is remembrance.

Sally: Yeah. So take us through that transition. You were Steph for so many years. Where there times when you didn't know who you were or was it very easy to just switch into real life and character?

Carla: That's such a great question because the reason I left the show was because. I didn't know who I was. Like, I actually struggled with I'd always, I knew who I was as character. I knew who I was as mum, as a daughter, as a partner, as a friend, cousin, sister, all of that. But I had no idea who I was. Like, who's Carla who's Carla Bonner?

Um, so that was a choice I made in when was it? 2010, 2010, to leave the show. Um, and that was, yeah. For one to really be with my kids and do the mundane mum stuff that I was never around to do. And also too, because it was becoming very important for me to, it was pressing, it was, you know, like I had the calling, it was like, you need to come back, come back, come back.

So, yeah.

Sally: Um, and you did go back to the show for a short time after that, didn't you?

Carla: Yeah. Yeah. I returned a couple of times. So 2013, I came back for a little Guesty and then 2015, I returned full time for the next few years. All at the association with the show is 20 years so,

Sally: And do you feel like when you went back that second time, you did have a much stronger sense of who you were?

Carla: Absolutely. Absolutely. And it was very interesting too, because the whole culture of the place, it really shifted, but I'd shifted as well, so much so that I was now the observer, like I used to be. I do cartwheels and I will always do cartwheels for the rest of my life. And I used to cartwheel down those corridors at that studio all the time.

I had so much energy and, and, um, I love my job and some cartwheel all the time, but this time I'm more sort of sat back and I was the observer. And others doing the cartwheels or not, you know, so it was really interesting. It was a really interesting dynamic and, and I could see myself in all of these youngsters.

Sally: Yeah. Because as the character grows over so many years, so do you, I think a lot of Australians can relate to characters like yourself that they've watched grow up on TV. I often think of Kate Richie, Sally. I think that's why, because it's the same name and it's that similar journey of growing up on television.

Carla: Absolutely. Yes, Steph and I went through a lot together, and I'm really honored that I'm actually, um, imprinted into the minds and lives and hearts of people. And that's a really beautiful position to be in because there's a, there's just annoying and it happens all the time and it's lovely to be able to say, yeah, you grew up with me, you know, it's like, it feels really nice to have that.

Sally: Yeah. And with all of those scenes, especially when you didn't have much notice, he goes 6:00 AM. Let's start. Did you have a voice warmup practice that you would do?

Carla: Absolutely not the only voice training I've done was when I went to the UK to do panto and, or prior to going actually I was having some singing lessons. So, I guess that's a bit different to voice training, right? But, um,

Sally: Similar.

Carla: Yeah. So I was having these singing lessons cause I was going to be on stage playing Cinderella. And so then I actually, at the same time I was doing a Steph and breast cancer storyline and I woke up one morning and saw a lump in my throat.

And I just freaked. And as I hadn't had voice training, I also didn't have technique training. Like I wasn't a trained actor at this point. So I was just pulling from what if, what if this happened to me? What if, and so I would live out every day, someone else's reality of having cancer. And so, you know, every morning I'd wash my hair and when I brushed my hair, I'd take the hair out of the brush or the comb and stick it in a box for when that day came that I did this.

Where her hair's falling out from the chemotherapy. Um, but anyway, I found this lump in my throat and I thought that I had manifested cancer for myself because I'd be putting myself through it every day. And, you know, I had a CT scan and did all of that and found that it was, it was a muscle from my singing training.

Sally: Oh thank goodness!

Carla: Thank goodness. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Um, I'm very passionate about my work and have a lot of respect for the craft. I really thought that I'd taken myself in that. I've done some damage.

Sally: Yeah. And with manifestation, it really is energy flows where intention goes, so if all you're thinking about is something, then you can see how that could happen.

So let's move to when you left Neighbours and what you've been doing since?

Carla: Well, look, this was beautiful because when you know, very early in the piece, like straight away, it would be, people would want cuddles on the street, come up to me and just want to hug. And it's beautiful. And it was, so it really hit me in a very powerful way, how I could make someone's day just by.

You know, that exchange of energy that, that sort of giving them a moment of my time, giving them a hug, giving them a smile, saying hello, whatever it was. And I would get fan mail about it. And so it kind of grew, and I was really realizing that there's more to this. There's more to this than me going to work and doing what I do and coming home and having a profile.

It was for a bigger reason. And so then in 2012, I really, when I'd left the show, I really turned to purpose and going. What is it that I'm here to do that? I have the benefit of this profile. Like, you know, it's much bigger than me. Yeah. I discovered that it was, I want to make people's lives better. I want to help people to live more fulfilled, contented lives. But I also thought that I had a lot to work through before I need to conquer my monsters before I can help anyone else through it. So anyway, we learn a lot don't we, because now I know with all of my training, it's never been about conquering monsters or shadows or anything. It's about, about making friends with them and learning to manage them, identifying when there's a flare up and, you know, you sort of do what you need to do.

Yeah. I discovered that it was in my story. And so I embarked on the journey of public speaking, which scared the shit out of me. Like so scared of speaking publicly, because I'd always had the safety net of the script and it was always Steph not Carla speaking, you know? And so now it was raw and it was vulnerable and it was all of those terrifying things.

And I was also, I think so afraid of what people would think and all of that, but I knew that it needed to be told because I'd already had enough experience that someone was like, oh my God, if you can go through that, then I don't feel so bad about myself, you know, so I'm like, okay, this is the, this is the road I'm heading down now.

So really terrified to do it though night. So I embarked on a couple of, um, public speaking courses and yeah, I did this intensive five days. And then at the end of the five days, we put on an event and did our talks and I've done a few events over the years. And I mean, who am I not to share my story? If it's going to help someone now expanding from their journey with people.

Sally: Yeah. It's so beautiful. And that's where Carla and I met, actually, it was through a course, which is all about discovering your Dharma and helping others discover theirs. I also love that you mentioned that you found the script a lot easier. And a lot of actors will say that, that the script is a lot of comfort.

And one of the techniques that I'm not sure if you still use, but I work with my clients is to pretend that you're acting is to create a character for yourself. So when I do keynotes, I do it in the character of Scarlet and Scarlet's like just an extra confident version of myself. It's like Beyonce meets Taylor swift on the Reputation tour.

And I just take that character out there as a way of heightening my confidence and dealing with any criticisms. So would you say that that's quite a good technique that you can use?

Carla: That's a brilliant technique, Sally. That's really, really good. Yes. And look, I ventured down that as well of developing this character who was a public speaker who loved to speak, who was confident, but it tripped me up because I was so rigid and stuck to the script.

I was still the actor doing it. And so, because I wasn't confident enough to just flow with it. I tripped up on stage. So, you know, and that taught me a big lesson.

Sally: Yeah. It's about using it to enhance, not using it to mask.

Carla: Yeah, well, that's when you can teach me.

Sally: Oh, look, I can relate. When I first started speaking, I have a background in speech and drama, you know, so I was on stage with all the eisteddfods and I've had everything memorized right down to the inflection and the pause and the gesture. It was all like, I got really freaked out in improvisation, in drama class.

Like when we had to do improvisations, I would just memorize about 30 different scenarios. And then like pick one that would match because I just found myself so unable to like, let it go and be a tree.

So I really took that into one of my first speeches. It was so rehearsed and it was, so it was just such a performance. It wasn't, I wasn't speaking from my soul. And that's actually a quiet, good time to transition into how you've used spirituality or how you use spirituality in your life. Is this a journey that you've been on your whole life or is this something that happened recently?

Carla: So I was raised with my sister. My mom was very spiritual, is a very spiritual woman. And we grew up with tarot deck on the lounge room table. You know, like it was always part of our world. I mean, I found some letters that I've written from when I was a kid recently. It's like, yes, I can tell you. I was always on a path.

But when I started on the show, finally, I found that who I was, there was a lot of people that couldn't relate to. And because also to have all the other dialogues, all the other bloody BS going on in my head that I wasn't. You know that I wasn't enough as I was, which is why they couldn't relate, but I chose to drop my spirituality.

I chose to go that's uh, that's we were probably didn't use that word then, but I need to just be here and now, and in the commercial world and, and superficial, like, you know, like all of this on this level to be able to meet people. Biggest mistake of my life, but I didn't notice it. I didn't realize, until I was fraught with shadows and issues and, and living a life that Steph was my escape because me, myself, I was not enough.

Yeah. It was wild. What came of that? And always, I had, you know, if I had have readings, um, you know, psychic readings, readings, or terror or something, I was always told, pick up your spirituality. It's important that you turn back to your spirituality, like always. So I'd actually didn't realize how impactful it was until I did pick it up again, because, and then I realized, oh my gosh, I was drowning there.

I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. And now here I am back connected to my spirituality. There's this expansion, you know, like, um, it's like, I've cut up. Just I've come up out of the, out of the water. You know, like it's this surge up out of the depths and that first gasp.

Sally: Oh, that's such a great way to describe it. And it's a similar story for myself and for a lot of people, I know, which is, it was always there, especially as a child and then it gets lost, and then it's rediscovered and it's like, whoa. This is exactly what I mean.

Carla: Yeah, I learned there and then don't ever turn away from it again

Sally: For anyone listening who wants to speak from their soul, they want to speak more authentically. They don't want to have to put on a character or they might feel like that's what they're already doing. They're just being what they feel that they should be. And they want to be more vulnerable. They want to be more real. What advice would you give to them?

Carla: Be in a journey. I think to know thyself is our greatest superpower because when we are connected to self and we've cultivating relationship to self, then we can apply. We can ingest the medicine that we need and we can ingest it because we can identify it. We go through processes and I was wounded. I was so wounded and that's from childhood. That's from, you know, stuff, but I used to just patch it with partying and, you know, put bandaid. But also didn't have any idea of who I was.

Again, we come back to that point earlier and there was a synch series of synchronicities that happened in my life. I mean, you ask and you shall receive, it is so true. I got so sick of myself. And in my shit, I was the common denominator in all my shit. And so I needed to take hiatus from relationship, from everything to turn inward and embark on that journey to know yourself.

And I tell you, I have never band-aided with anything, but self-love now. And so all these gaping wounds that I was full of, I filled them with self-love with the medicine that I learnt along the path. And it's so powerful that I'm like, this is water here to do. This is what this profile has created for me.

Is this platform to be able to help guide people back home, to self?

Sally: Yeah. And that's why I do purpose work as well, because you want to find your voice. You need to find yourself.

Carla: That's right.

Sally: You want to speak your truth? He needs to know what that is.

Carla: Exactly. So, yeah, exactly. So yeah. In terms of giving anyone advice, it is really find yourself a coach. I'm available, Sal's available, but you know, turn in word because to know thyself is our greatest super power.

Sally: What a beautiful note to end on. Was there anything else you wanted to add and how can people work with you or get to know more about.

Carla: Everyone's more than welcome to follow me on Instagram @carlabonner3 it's my handle. I'm really most active there.

Sally: And why is it on a three?

Carla: I think somebody took my name.

Sally: Oh, that's why I don't have Sally prosser.com because it's already taken by somebody who's not even using the site. So that's why I'm always I'm dot au.

Carla: Sally, I had that too. That's why I'm carlabonner.com.au because um, someone bought carlabonner.com wasn't Carla Bonner and wanted to charge me like $10,000 for them.

Sally: No thanks, gosh!

Carla: People make a career of doing that stuff though. Yeah, just, yeah. Jump onto the socials and find me, DM me and yeah, I can always organize to have a discovery call. And have a chat about what it is that you, that you're seeking and how it is that I could help you.

Sally: Carla's reels are fantastic. They're so creative and so entertaining. So I will put all the links to that in the show notes.

Carla Bonner, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been such a wonderful chat. I've been taking notes as we've been going along. And have a wonderful afternoon.

Carla: Sal, thank you so much for having me. It was beautiful. Beautiful to chat.