146. How to put yourself first with Emma Corpade

Are you number one in your life?

In this episode I chat to elite performance and mindset coach Emma Corpade about her own experiences putting everyone's needs above her own. 

She changed her life and is now inspiring other women to do the same.

You'll learn why putting yourself first and using your voice may not come naturally, and what you can start doing today to be the star of your show!

TRANSCRIPT

Hello. Hello. Welcome to Episode 146 of That Voice Podcast, How to Put Yourself First with Emma Corpade. So Emma is an elite performance and mindset coach for professional women, and her MO is all about helping women step into their full potential. She was in the high flying corporate career, putting everyone's needs above her own and then decided, enough was enough.

She changed her life and is now inspiring other women to do the same. So in this episode, you will learn why putting yourself first and using your voice may not come naturally, and what you can start doing today to be the star of your show. Give me some of that main character energy. Yes, please. And Emma also shares her powerful experience in my Speak From Your Soul program.

Now, you wouldn't believe it, right? When Emma was talking about my program and how to get in touch with her, we had a bit of a crackly mic situation that only revealed itself in the edit. I know you might be on the fence about joining Speak From Your Soul. So I thought it was important to leave in Emma's experience and also how to work with her.

So soldier on. The audio issue is only for a very short part of the episode. And yes, Speak From Your Soul starts on Feb 19th. If you are tired of your voice not being heard, feeling like you're getting lost in the noise, and you can feel that burning desire in your body to get your message out there, then you have to join, Speak From Your Soul so you can get into alignment with your voice and show up in the world.

You are here for a reason, and if you are not using your voice to express your truth and share your mission, then what the hell are you doing? Because as Emma shares, that burning desire is not going anywhere, so you can choose to stew in fear or breakthrough and feel the flow of your voice. This is such a powerful container, full of powerful people already.

So say yes to yourself. Put yourself first, theme of the episode, and join us if you are not a full body. Yes, now then you will be by the end of this beautiful conversation with Emma Corpade.

Sally: Emma Corpade. Welcome to That Voice Podcast. So great to have you here.

Emma: Oh, wonderful to be here, Sally. Thank you for, thank you for inviting me and for having me here.

Sally: Yeah, we haven't caught up for ages, so let us know what is your business and what led you to start it?

Emma: Well, Sally, I have, I have a really beautiful journey. If, uh, if I only say that myself. You see, I worked for, for more than 10 years, for more than a decade in one of London's most prestigious corporations.

And while I really, really did love that job, so many aspects of it, it was so fulfilling in so many ways. I always felt like, you know, there was something else for me out there. I always felt like there was more for me outside of that environment. So what happened was, back in, uh, back in 2011, my first daughter was born and I did what most career women who, uh, become moms do without us even realizing we fall into this society template. So what I did, I went back, I went straight back to work, back into full-time employment, and I put a little one in childcare. Then I spent every minute of my life making effort after effort, trying to prove myself, trying to prove that I could do it, trying to prove that I could hold it all together.

That I was strong, that I didn't really, I didn't really, um, struggle, but that was not true. That was not true because I felt that nothing, and that was at the back of my mind. I felt that nothing could keep me from achieving those big career goals that I had in mind. So it's wonderful actually, that we speak about, put learning to put ourselves first, because that was the opposite of what I did.    

I put everything and everyone else first, and definitely not me. Definitely not my needs, definitely not my family's needs. And of course that worked for a while because of course when we get into this idea that that's how it should be and there's no other way, we kind of just carry on with it, or in many ways it felt that it worked or I was lying to myself that it was working because that's exactly what I did.

I bought into the society conditioning that we, as career women, we have to make compromises. There's no, there's, there's something that's got to give, right? That we can't really have it all. And that's how it is, right? And of course, quite a few painful years followed. And I was, that's, that's all I did spread myself thin in between my, my really demanding career and the demands of my family life and the painful thing now is that I didn't really want to admit that I was struggling. I kept on pushing, you know, because, you know, that pride in me, that ego, I didn't want to admit that I was struggling because of course I've always been the person that people were reaching out for help, but I wasn't the one to reach out for help, right?

Because everybody was, was, I had this image in my mind and everybody had had that perception of me, of being the strong person. So how can the strong person ask for help? Right. Which is, which is something that's, that's becoming so, um, There's this conversation that's been open, but particularly in recent years about this because yes, that strong person really does need help sometimes, every now and again, right?

So this struggle lasted for a few years, and then in 2017, my second daughter was born. And with that, this big decision to leave my corporate career behind because I was certain that I wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes. And it felt like in many ways I was given a second chance at doing this, this parenting thing.

And at least different, I didn't want to make the same mistakes. But I was also, I got to the point where I was ready to, to begin this beautiful exploration in a new direction, and I was ready to explore that more, right? Without even necessarily realizing what was that more for me? What did that mean?

But I was ready to explore. I was ready to see what else was waiting for me outside of that environment. And what prompted me to make that decision really was this beautiful desire to live my life my way, right, to be in control of everything that I do, my decisions to put myself first, which is not something that I'd done ever in my life prior to that moment.

It's not something that I was familiar with. There was this beautiful moment that I am, uh, it's not something that I often, uh, share, but I will share for you. Now, I had my girls and my youngest was really, really tiny. She was just born, uh, probably a couple of months. And I was watching her sister, who was about five and a half at this time.

I was watching her play with her baby sister and they were giggling and there was this beautiful moment. They were really, really enjoying each other and I was just like the outsider watching them in that beautiful moment. And she adored her baby sister. And in my mind I was trying to find those, you know, those similarities between the girls, between both girls earlier and I was trying to remember what was she like when she was just a couple of months old, right?

And I couldn't remember, I couldn't remember what was she like there. And I, I kept on trying, and I had this question at the back of my mind is why can't I remember? Why can't I remember? And I got into this, um, quite anxious space. Like, why can't I remember? And of course it didn't take long before I got the answer, and it's the answer that hit me like a ton of bricks.

I couldn't remember because I wasn't there to create those memories for myself.

Sally: Oh, Emma, what a story. Thank you so much for sharing and it's so true, isn't it? We go through these experiences in life so we can learn from them, and then we are equipped to help other people who find themselves in the same challenges.

So now you have the privilege of helping women who are in a similar situation to what you were. What are the main struggles that people are coming to you?

Emma: It's this main idea that they're not living to their full potential. They know, they feel like there's something more. They feel like there's something else that they can give You. See, we've been blessed with a huge amount of potential. We have this gift, we have these talents that we are just waiting for us to take some action, right? Because the reason we've been given this, these talents, uh, we've been blessed with gifts, with skills, with, with desire, with motivation, with all these beautiful things, is so we can share them with the world.

And when we don't share them with the world and we don't make an impact, we don't make a difference. We don't show up to share these gifts, then we feel that, we feel that desire inside of us and that's never going to go away. Right? It's always there for us to, you know, knocking on our doors.

Sally: That calling to use their voice. Does the voice come up a lot in your coaching?

Emma: It's one of the biggest things really, cuz you feel. You know, we are not having a voice. We don't share that voice. And of course it's, it's exactly what I shared a moment ago, but I think it all starts with a deep-rooted fear, or more like, more than, more than fear.

A deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness. And what I've noticed is that particularly amongst women, we are dealing with an epidemic of unworthiness, if I should if I can call it that way. We're dealing with this general idea that we've been programmed to believe a lot of the lies about our self-worth.

Uh, we've been programmed to believe lies about the value that we bring into the world. We've been lied about having to earn the right to speak about being seen and not heard. You know, particularly about being too loud. Particularly as children, we come into adulthood with a lot of this baggage, right?

Because of course, If we don't do any work to change this program, this programming, it doesn't go away. It doesn't change, right? So we really need to put some, some intentional effort it, because this programming becomes our operating system.  So what happens is we end up running this programming over and over again in our daily lives, and we wonder, we wonder why is it that we live these half-hearted lives, and why is it that we get this half-hearted results that we get right?

Because of this programming, because we lost touch with our own value. And that, of course is reflected through our voice. And this is where putting our, putting ourselves first comes into play beautifully. Because we were never meant, we were never meant to put everything in everyone first before of our ahead of ourselves, right?

We were meant to, for us, for ourselves, each, each and every single one of us to be the star of our own show. Right? It's something that I talk about all the time to be the center of attention in our own life, right?

Sally: Yes, the main character!

Emma: Absolutely. Absolutely. We were meant to stand up for ourselves.

We are, we were meant to, to share our goals, to talk about our big dreams, to shout out from the rooftops about everything that we are, we are here to create, right? All our big, exciting ideas, right? We were meant to talk about these things, but there of course, we listen. We listen to the parents, we listen to the society, we listen to every single person around us that volunteers to share an opinion.

And we listen. We take it, we take it all. And that's when the doubt comes in. That's when the imposter syndrome comes in. That's when you know the fears, the anxieties, all these, all these things which are in fact, product of our mind trying to protect us. So the, our mind is creating this protective mechanism around this, through these things.

We have to go back and strip the layers because people always say, Oh, we have to change, but there's nothing to change about. You just have to let go of the things that are standing in the way.

Sally: I know this episode is good, so I'll make this quick. I have a brand new freebie for you, which so many people have been asking for.

Do you ever wish you had someone in your ear telling you exactly what you need to hear before speaking? Here it is. Pep talks in your pocket. So in these short audio tracks, I'll help you calm your nerves, warm up your voice and ditch the self-doubt. They are totally free. Just click the link in the show notes or head to my website and next time you speak, you will have your secret weapon, the pep talks in your pocket.

Okay, let's get back to the episode.

Sally: So if a woman is listening to this and she's got her job and she's got her, her kids, and her household, Absolutely going back to those stories and having an awareness of where these programs start is important, what else can they do? Is there anything practical they can be doing day to day to put themselves first and be living up to their potential?

Emma: I love it. I love it when, when women and, and people in general, when they start, when they get onto this journey to reconnect with themselves. But I'll talk about two different nuances. And, and of course this is something that I really like about your holistic approach to speaking as well, because one is this reconnection with the inner voice, with the voice of our soul, with our intuition. We learn to listen to ourselves first and foremost. It's the most important. We learn to see and embrace our true value by going within, and it's something that I know you're very passionate about as well.

When we're tuning into what our soul or our heart or our bodies have to say, this changes everything because this is the fundamental expression of this idea of putting ourselves first, right? It's really at the core of everything.

And the second voice. The second voice, is of course our, our expression voice, our, this beautiful gift that we have that allows us to connect with the world around us. And I'm being mindful of those who don't have this gift or are, are unable to benefit from this, um, means of expression.

But our voice is possibly the most powerful gift that we've been blessed with, and yet, The fear of speaking and the fear of sharing our voice, the fear of sharing our truth is bigger than the fear of death, right? That's what they say in this, in in global surveys, right? But because of this fear, we hold ourselves back.

We play small. We hide, we stay in our comfort zone, we stay in the shadows. And what I'm really passionate about is liberating women from this circle of comfort, connect them with the true greatness through all the gifts that they've been blessed with, including their voice and launch them powerfully towards making the impact that they are they are meant to make in the world.

Right? And let me tell you a very interesting thing about these fears. You see, behind every fear there is a desire. And of course it's a subconscious desire and we might not necessarily be aware of it, or not fully aware of it, but the bigger the fear of something, the bigger the desire to do that particular thing.

So I'll share my example here. Again, I used to be really anxious, like seriously anxious around speaking and. This takes me back to my childhood when experiences and, and, um, various moments in my childhood created that evidence for me that using my voice was not safe. So that's really how it started, even though I lived with that anxiety for most of my life.

Deep down, I so wished I so wished that I was on stage. I could, I would see myself holding that microphone. I would have some big speech. I would get a standing ovation from the audience. It was just beautiful, beautiful to dream about those things. But in reality, I held myself back from speaking quite fiercely, and this is something that I've been working consistently over the last few years because while this fear is something that we can learn to understand and we can learn these beautiful strategies, it's that desire that we need to connect with first and foremost.

So before we get into learning the strategies, before we get into you know, learning the, the tips and all these things about speaking about sharing our voice, we have to reconnect with that desire, with without inner motivation, with that inner calling. Like, what is this desire? Why do I want to do these things?

Why do I want to share my voice, right? When we are truly connected with that desire, By tuning into our inner voice so we can, we can express it and share it with the world. And yes, everything changes from there. Absolutely. Starting with that, why, why do you want to use your voice that fire in your belly?

Sally: Absolutely. And thank you for sharing that you've also had some things to work through with your voice. You were in my Speak From Your Soul program last year. It was so beautiful to have you. As part of that, would you be able to share a little bit about your experience with the program and how you found it?

Emma: Absolutely. Such a beautiful, a beautiful experience. I loved every, every, uh, minute of it. You really got us on this journey to, step into that alignment with everything that's going on within, right? Through the energy centers, that beautiful, beautiful journey and l we learned how to own those deep desires.

And the other big thing that really stayed with me was, um, the practice of accepting and embracing your own personality as a speaker. And I shared how I used to dream of about being on stage about delivering these big, um, important speeches. And I was always inspired by those big stage personalities, like big explosive personalities, those really energetic people.

I was really inspired by them, but I used to feel blameful towards myself for not being more like them. I used to feel guilty for not being, for not being to speak like they speak. And you did an exercise that that was, that felt really powerful for me, about embracing your speaker personality. And we created this association with an element in nature.

And what came for me in that reflection was a tree, and it felt really, really true for. Because yes, I might not go on stage and create an explosion, but I know, I know that when I have something to say and I ground myself and I say it from the core of my being, I know that the world stops and the audience will listen.

And I absolutely love that exercise because it liberated me from this expectation to be like someone else.

Sally: Emma, so great. The tall tree, the personal metaphor exercise is so powerful. And thank you for those kind words. It was so beautiful having you part of the program. So if people are listening to this and they're thinking, yes, I want to put myself first, I want to use my voice.

I want to live up to my full potential. How can they work with you? How can they get in touch with you?

Emma: You can connect with me on LinkedIn or Instagram, and you can find me as @emmacorpade. Since we talked a little bit about comfort zone and about things that are holding us back, including when it comes to using our voice, I would invite your listeners to find out what's holding them back from stepping into their true greatness, from stepping into, uh, the true potential, from putting themselves first.

And I have a short assessment, um, that I can share. The link or this, whatsholdingyouback.quiz.com is the very short assessment that you can start this journey because let me tell you.

And I know this is something that's true for you as well. Living our purpose is the highest form of self-love.

Sally: Oh, Emma, what a beautiful line. Living our purpose is the highest form of self-love and the details for that assessment. I will share in the show notes. Emma Corpade, what a beautiful conversation. Thank you so much for joining That Voice Podcast.

Emma: Wonderful. Wonderful to be here, Sally, and thank you for having me. I absolutely love everything that you do. And yeah, keep standing out and sharing your voice.