169. How to get over that 'embarrassing thing that happens' when you speak

Are you self conscious about something that happens when you speak?

Maybe it's a rash? Super sweaty palms? A weird snort?

And is it holding you back from saying yes to opportunities and speaking in front of people?

That stops today! This episode outlines my two-pronged approach to move past that "embarrassing" thing that happens when you speak.

1. Come up with a practical solution to minimise it.

2. Talk about it!

Take back your power!

Transcript

You know that embarrassing thing that happens when you speak?

We’re going break that down in today’s episode. We’re up to number 169.

And we’re going to get straight into it.

What is the “embarrassing” thing that happens when you speak?

I can almost guarantee you’re not the only one.

Do you get a gnarly rash that creeps up your neck and onto your face?

Do your hands get so sweaty they drip on the floor?

Do you snort when you get nervous?

Do you shake so uncontrollably people rush to your aid?

Does your face go so bright red it feels like it’s on fire?

That’s something that happens to me.

What is it for you?

And does it have it a hold over you?

I’ve had clients with every single one of the things I mentioned and it pains me that this is the thing blocking the way for people speaking up, saying yes to opportunities, stepping into their power. And it’s so rewarding to see this worry dissolve.

So if you have some thing embarrassing that’s blocking your way to confident speaking, that hold ends today.

I’m going to take you through HOW to get over it.

And the first truth bomb – is that thing you’re all hung up over? NO ONE CARES.

You need to accept that this is a battle in your own body and mind. And saying that it’s about what other people think is just deflecting from actually overcoming this thing.

We’re going to take a two-pronged approach, I’m feeling very corporaty with my two-pronged approach. There’s two parts to it.

And the first part is super easy.

What can you practically do to minimise the impacts of this thing you get embarrassed about?

I know I get quite red, especially in summer, so I will literally carry an ice pack wrapped in a tea towel in a plastic bag in my hand bag, and if I need to I’ll hold it against the back of my neck in the toilet to cool my body down. Works a treat.

I also go a shade lighter on the foundation and have plenty of powder to take off the shine, so it’s less obvious – at least to me.

Another client of mine had super sweaty palms she had a medical condition where she sweated excessively from her hands and in her role she was doing a lot of media interviews and I asked her how she managed – because sweaty hands kinda look like you’re lying or covering something up not great for a media interview. And she had this super absorbent towel, kind of like chamy or chamois and she’d use that right before and she was good to go.

Now I’m not talking here about butterflies and a pounding heart and regular shaking – they are all indications the energy isn’t moving through smoothly and there are lots of techniques to calm nerves before speaking. If you haven’t downloaded my free audio tracks the Pep Talks in Your Pocket get onto that because I guide you through how to calm your nerves, how to do a breathing exercise, how to warm up your voice, how to ditch the self doubt. They are short audio tracks you can download – the link is in the shownotes – they are a must-have.

So I’m not talking about regular nerves in this episode we’re talking about that perhaps unusual rare thing that you feel like only happens to you (even though there are always people sharing your experience) and the practical steps you can take to minimise the impact.

Wardrobe is a big one. If you’re a big shaker avoid clothes that are loose and flowy because they’re more likely to move. Structured clothing stays more still.

So that’s the first part of the equation. Don’t come to me with a problem come to me with a solution – what practical steps can you take to make this ‘embarrassing thing’ less of a big deal.

Now we have to move to part two.

One of my clients, we’ll call her Amy, not her real name, was super self conscious about this red, purply rash that would creep up her chest and neck when she spoke in front of a group – which was something her role required, she had an important training to deliver.

Her stop-gap solution was to wear turtle neck tops – high neck tops. Now being in a hot part of Australia this wasn’t very practical because while it “solved” one problem, it caused another, she was so hot presenting.

And this is a beautiful metaphor for doing the work isn’t it. We can only cover up the problem for so long. At some point if you want real relief you need to get to the root cause.

You need to take back your power. Do not let this thing be the reason you live a life NOT in full expression of who you are.

And the best way to take back your power is to speak it, voice it.

Shame cannot survive the spoken word.

And if this thing is a secret that you try to conceal from people. You duck and weave and hide, then the way to break through is to tell people.

And there are many ways to slice and dice this.

You can say it at the start of the speech or the training. Maybe not the very first thing, but put it out there. Sometimes when I speak my hands get super sweaty, if I gesture dramatically and shower anyone, I apologise in advance.

Bringing lightness to the topic, kills the heaviness of the shame.

Maybe, as in Amy’s case. She didn’t want to tell the whole group, so she began to mention it to people in one on one’s. There’s a rash that comes up. It’s nothing to worry about.

And what you will realise when you speak it, no one cares.

You are punishing yourself and worrying yourself and limiting yourself for nothing.

And if you’re listening and thinking I don’t understand. Maybe you’re deep in victim mode today and your case really is different and your thing really is harder, let me share a story about an amazing woman called Emma Carey.

She wrote a brilliant book called The Girl Who Fell From the Sky – literally she went skydiving in her early 20s in Europe and the chute didn’t open and she plummeted to the ground, leaving her paralysed and incontinent. She had no control over her bladder she says she rejected any invitation to leave the house because she was petrified of being found out.

Then one day she had a huge change in perspective -it hit her “I survived a skydiving accident” and she wasn’t going to live in fear and isolation.

Listen to these words –

“This clear thinking enabled me to see how pointless my whole charade has been. I wasn’t actively choosing to sit in my own urine every day, so why on earth should anyone judge me for it? Why would anyone laugh at or tease a misfortune that was completely beyond my control? I decided to take a chance and imagine they wouldn’t.

I began to tell people. Gently and vaguely at first, but as I quickly gained confidence I learned to bare it all. Nothing, and I can’t emphasise that enough, has ever been more liberating and freeing than the decision to completely own every element of my disability. The moment I decided to stop hiding it from the world and truly let people into my life was the moment I felt complete freedom.

I realised that no one can hold something against you if you don’t hold it against yourself. Nothing has any power over you unless you give it that power. I also realised that my hunch was right: no one cared. At all. People care about kindness and humour and loyalty, they don’t care about that insignificant thing you’re embarrassed about.”

Wow. Talk about perspective.

So How do you get over that embarrassing thing that happens when you speak?

You find a practical way to minimise it and more importantly you TALK ABOUT IT. You take its power.

Your voice and what you have to say and the value you have to share is WAY too big to be squashed by that thing.

And you can start by telling me, send me a voice note in the Instagram DM’s @sallyprosservoice or @thatvoicepodcast

Make a video about it, post it on socials.

Take away it’s power and feel the liberation.