196. 5 ways to stop comparing yourself

Do you compare yourself to others? And feel lesser or behind or 'not as good as other people'?

In this episode I take you through five ways to stop comparing yourself.

1. Releasing the notion of being behind.

2. Releasing the notion of competition.

3. Becoming radically obsessed with your life.

4. Remember no-one cares about your life.

5. Be original!

Welcome to That Voice Podcast … as you may have heard me say for a long time now… I’m writing a book.

It’s a teaching memoir.. which means I’m using stories from my life to share tips on how you can use your voice and speak with confidence with a focus on energetics.. and it’s a bit of a comedy.

I mean slurping soup on the first night of a silent retreat – hysterical.

Anyway, this whole book writing process, which involves deep research into your shelf, which means knowing what’s out there – has raised some pangs of comparison.. usually I don’t give two hoots about what anyone else is doing, but you need to outline what’s on the market for the proposal and so I’ve found myself going.. oh I was going to write about that, oh wow look how much experience they have, oh look who they’ve worked with…and it’s been a big block on getting my words on a page.

The good news is I’ve done a lot of personal work on comparison and I guide so many clients through bouts of comparinitis… I have the medicine and with the book I need to take some of it.

So in this episode I’ll share with you FIVE strategies that help you shed the burden of comparison.

Because it is a burden.

It’s different to getting inspiration from someone – that makes you feel good.

Comparinitis makes you feel lesser.

Teddy Roosevelt nailed it COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY.

And it doesn’t just rob you of joy it robs the world of the gifts you have to offer.

You’re less likely to put out that video on socials if other people are talking about your topic.

You’re less likely to start your podcast if there’s so many other podcasts already out there.

You’re less likely to stand up and speak anywhere if you think you’re not as good as other people.

This kind of comparison makes you feel bad because it’s actively dimming your light.

And that is in direct contravention with our values here at That Voice Podcast, so listen in.

And before we get into the five ways to stop comparing yourself.

Remember our April Soul Speakers coaching call is all about how to heal from comparinitis and imposter syndrome. We’ll be doing real time exercises to shift it out of your body. So listening to this podcast is great, but if you want to actually make the change, join Soul Speakers.

Ok number ONE -RELEASE THE WHOLE NOTION OF BEING BEHIND.

Now most of us have been conditioned through school or uni with language around being behind. Falling behind in your studies. The importance of getting ahead. If you’re not winning, you’re losing. One step forward, two steps back. And this creates a visual in our mind that time is linear, it’s a point A to a point B. It’s a race, and we gotta get there faster. This whole family of language creates this illusion that other people are further ahead of us and we have to catch up.

Now you might think well yeh there are some people who are further ahead in their social media posting or further ahead in a particular heirarcy of an organisation or further ahead in building their business.

This type of thinking, the one that makes you feel behind is so unhelpful. If you feel behind in anything you will always feel behind in something. Let that land. So you have a choice to lose the notion of being behind.

Life is not a race, it’s a dance. Time is not linear, we just have a linear perception.

And the bizarre nature of time was so clear when at 10pm on a Tuesday night I left Brisbane on a plane to California and at 10pm on the same Tuesday night we were having a drink in a Santa Monica bar.

So how do you lose the whole notion of being behind?

One – remember you’re just taking one tiny metric in the vast scheme of life to compare if you’re in front or behind so it’s a bit ridiculous.

And two – remember you are always on the middle step with everything. Think of anything you compare yourself to others about. There is someone on the step above and someone on the step below and the only person on your step is you.

You’re not behind you’re just dancing on the middle step.

Ok number two on a similar vein.

RELEASE THE NOTION OF COMPETITION.

Amateurs compete. Professionals create.

There is room for every voice and if you have a message to share – no one can share it in the way you do with the voice you have.

And that goes right down to your unique vocal frequency. You have been gifted a unique frequency that certain people are tuned in to receive. And by not sharing your voice you’re denying them of that. They’re waiting for your contribution.

If you don’t feel in touch with your voice – then grab your credit card and  get The Magnetic Voice Formula, the link is in the show notes and that will guide you to find it.

And if you have a competitive spirit, and competition drives you – great. That’s not making you feel bad. Also compete with yourself.

I’ll never forget I came home from a speech and drama eisteddfod when I was an early teen – crying because I didn’t get first or something and my dad said – if you can’t deal with the opinion of one person ie the adjudicator, get back in the pool. Because it didn’t matter if you came last, as long as you swam a PB a personal best you were happy. You were against yourself.

One flower doesn’t compare itself to another flower it just blooms. Great quote by Zen Shin.

Whenever a marketing person asks me who are my competitors, I’m always like – you mean other people who help with voice and public speaking? I don’t see them as competitors, in fact the more we support each other the more the profile of what we do grows and the more people realise how freaking life changing the work we do is.

So RELease the notion of being behind, release the notion of competition. How good does that feel.

Number three – BECOME RADICALLY OBSESSED WITH YOUR LIFE.

Be the main character not a bit part or a supporting part in your own life.

Someone said to me Oh you must be waiting for Patrick to propose? Or while looking at a baby someone said Oh don’t worry it’ll happen for you one day.

Um hilarious. I use those examples because I guess it’s kinda counter-culture.

Honestly I look in the mirror every morning and say I am so glad I’m you. Do this exercise.

I’m so glad I’m you. I actually feel sorry for anybody who isn’t me.

My life is pilates, luxury travel, no alarms, being adored by Patrick, my family is great and I’m recording this on a quiet Saturday night – like I am living the dream. Patrick actually responds to his work colleagues when they ask how he is because I can hear from upstairs with LIVING THE DREAM. There’s so much gratitude in our household and obsession with how phenomenal our life is. And I believe that’s why we keep getting upgraded when we travel because our combined vibes are so good.

Now if you’re listening to that rolling your eyes, going must be nice to be you.

Well you know I could list all the negative stuff in my life. But energy flows where intention goes, so find the things in your life that you are obsessed with. That you wouldn’t change for the world, and focus on that. And the only comparing you’ll be doing is with your sexy arse reflection.

Alright alright BE OBSESSED WITH YOUR LIFE and number four REMEMBER NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

That person you’re comparing yourself to probably doesn’t even know you exist.

There’s a great quote I read somewhere, that every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute spent wasting yours.

The whole what will they think if I do xyz. Well probably nothing.

So hold the paradox, be totally obsessed with your life and remember no one cares about it either.

And finally BE YOURSELF.

And you are original.

Honestly every time I’ve gone viral online it’s been from content totally original. Very rarely a trend or content advised by anyone. Newsreader comedy. Patrick commenting on my hair cut. Me sharing a totally original framework – if you want them download my free ebook what to say when you don’t know what to say.

So find inspiration within your weird and wonderful self.

All that energy comparing could be spent sharing YOU.

There are hundreds of podcasts about public speaking. None of them are like mine. That’s why I share so much of my life, because I want a podcast that no one else could replicate.

And why are you tuning into this one. If you’re a first time listener, welcome say hi in my DM’s @thatvoicepodcast or @sallyprosservoice. If you’ve been listening a while, it’s likely you’re tuning in because of something about me, my personality, my voice, my way of explaining things – it’s the originality of people we’re drawn to. The realness.

March to the beat of your own drum. Take the path less travelled.

In Bronnie Ware’s book the top five regrets of the dying, the number one regret was I wish I lived a life true to me not what other people expected of me.

Far out. Let that land.

Just recording this episode has given me motivation to bash out some pages of my book.

How are you feeling?

Please share this episode on your socials if you found it valuable so other people can hear it too.

Release the notion of being behind, release the notion of competition, become radically obsessed with your life, and remember no one cares about your life so BE YOURSELF AND YOURSELF IS ORIGINAL.

Join Soul Speakers to release comparitinitis and imposter syndrome once and for all. I’ll take you through some powerful exercise. It is not a burden you need to carry, think of the joy you’ll feel and the impact you can make with all that gone.

I’ll see you in Soul Speakers, and the podcast is back … next week.