207. Let's address the fear of being seen and heard
Are you afraid of being seen and heard?
If you sell a product or service or want to influence people in any way, this is one to get on top of!
In this episode I cover -
- Why it's worth overcoming the fear of being seen and heard.
- Where the fear of being seen and heard usually comes from.
- How to manage the fear of being seen and heard.
Transcript
Hello hello.
Today we’re addressing a really common fear.
And if you’re tuning in, maybe you resonate with this one.
It’s the fear of being seen and heard.
And when it comes to showing up online and public speaking, this one bubbles up a lot.
I’ve said it before I’ll say it again.
Nobody has a fear of public speaking itself ….. it’s the speaking that causes other fears …. to bubble up to the surface, to show its face.
Now the fear of being seen and heard.
Now this is an actual fear. It’s called Scopophobia and it’s a morbid fear of being seen in public by others.
And like any fear it’s a spectrum. 100 per cent of the people I’ve worked with don’t have this phobia, it’s more like a few knots that need to be massaged out…. And this is why working with an expert is so important, because we know which muscles to target.
Let’s start with WHY this is even a fear worth overcoming.
You don’t want to be seen and heard? No worries. Never speak. Never post on social media. Never put yourself out there. Never share your message and die with that light trapped inside you wondering what if.
Now, you’re likely listening to this because you’re like hell no. I have a mark I want to make, a message I want to share and an impact I want to have.
This it’s quite ironic that many business owners are afraid to put themselves out there, because isn’t that the very reason you started your business? To get people’s attention?
If you’re wanting to sell a product or service or wanting to influence in your job, then the fear of being seen and heard is something you need to learn to manage.
Because if you’re not showing up as your real self, you won’t attract your ideal clients,
You’re missing out on opportunities
And you’re depriving the world of your magic.
And this is where the intellect and the emotion collide.
Because often the mind is like yeh it makes total sense for me to be seen and be heard, but the body is like no thank you. Every cell in my body is rejecting this situation.
We need to look deeper.
What is underneath the fear of being seen and heard?
What is the root cause?
In my coaching practice there are 3 main categories people fall into.
Category One is Imposter Syndrome.
There is a fear of being seen and heard because oh my gosh if I put myself out there, I’m going to get found out.
People are going to see that I’m a fraud, I have no idea what I’m doing, I don’t have credibility, and when they find out everything I have is going to come crashing down like a house of cards. Like better to be safe than sorry. I’ll just hang back and pipe down.
I work with lots of clients on Imposter Syndrome, and if you take a listen to the brilliant That Voice Podcast episode 189 with Alison Shamir you’ll hear lots of practical ways to move through Imposter Syndrome.
So the second category is the fear of rejection, best friends with people-pleasing.
Where you’re afraid to be seen and heard because people might not like it. They’ll negatively judge, ridicule, criticise, cancel etc.
And this usually comes back to a lack of self love.
If you judge yourself harshly, you’ll fear others will judge you harshly.
If you don’t like the way you look, or the way you sound, or the content of your message. Of course you’ll have a resistance to being seen and heard.
Being confident to be seen and heard is an act of self love.
So a lot of my work is around building this up. Join my group program Soul Speakers, learning to love yourself and your voice is a strong thread through the program and this is why Soul Speakers is so transformational, because the self loathing, the self criticism, the self doubt… it isn’t cute.
I know especially in Australia we like a bit of self-deprecation, the problem is in so many cases it’s not a joke, it’s a handbrake on your happiness and your success.
Ok the third way underlying cause to a fear of being seen and heard, that I see with my clients…
Is the fear of success.
If I show up and be seen and heard, maybe I’ll get more followers, maybe I’ll go viral, maybe I’ll get inundated with enquiries and people will be inviting me to speak and loads of money will be coming into my bank account.
And for full transparency, this is what I’m working on at the moment.
Just like it’s not a fear of speaking itself, it’s not a fear of success itself. Who doesn’t want to be successful. It’s what you think the success will mean for you.
For example, what if I put myself out there and my business blows up and I get invited to speak on a big stage… and I’m not ready for that.
Or what if a video goes viral and I get haters .. I’m not ready for that.
What if I get really busy and I don’t get as much time to sleep or hang out with my partner. That sounds really tiring.
So you get the picture we have all these ideas about what success looks like and what it means.
And in this case I work with clients on some serious reframing and rewriting of the story, so there’s a clear definition of success and a positive story of what that could mean.
And in all these cases it comes down to the programming. What is the story you’re playing out.
In your life up to this point, going right back to childhood were you told to shut up.
Did your parents fight every time you raised your voice, so it was safer to hide in your room.
Were you disciplined by a teacher for speaking were you told by a boss your opinion wasn’t important?
Were you told having lots of money or fame was gross and tacky.
Has someone made a snide comment about a video you posted?
Everyone is different. But we all have a character we have cast ourself as and a story we’re choosing to play out.
In this episode I’ve mentioned 3 main categories I see under this fear of being seen and heard.
One, Imposter Syndrome, Two, fear of rejection slash people pleasing and Three, a fear of success.
And the good news is there are ways to overcome these fears and strategies to move forward despite them.
On last week’s episode with Gabby we talked about ERT – emotion release technique.
In my coaching practice I use a lot of NLP techniques – neuro linguistic programming, as well as somatic processes through movement and voice work, I also work with energy, clearing chakra blockages and sharing Reiki. It really depends on the person. Often a good old chat / pep talk / Different perspective does the trick. It makes the penny drop, sounds the wake up call.
The clients who find their way to me through private coaching or a workshop or my group program Soul Speakers have already identified they have goals to reach and they’re not going to let these fears stand in their way and they’re ready to receive the help to move through to an improved version of themselves.
Many have listened to this podcast.. they’ve resonated with my words… and then taken action. Because as much as I appreciate you tuning in, and you know I deliver the value in these podcasts, I don’t gatekeep anything. You get all the information. In order to receive the transformation, you gotta take action. You’ve got to want to change, and you need to invest the time, money and effort to do it. And if you’re like Yes Sal I hear you, this is the sign I’ve been waiting for, the nudge I’ve needed, then jump on over to the shownotes and join Soul Speakers.. or at least The Magnetic Voice Formula.
Your voice matters.
Your message matters.
Are you going to let the fear of being seen and heard keep your light trapped inside you.
Are you willing to live with that painful knot in your back
Are you going to let fear take the wheel of your life.
Or are you going to kick it out of the car.
And let the world hear your resonant voice and see your beautiful face and receive your important message.
You’ve got this.
Remember the words of W Clement Stone – Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.