221. Always know what to say
How good would you feel to always know what to say... in meetings, podcast interviews, presentations, social videos etc.
This episode explains HOW you can always know what to say - and it's *not* by focusing more on the words!
I go through:
- The 7-38-55 rule - which reveals how important content is.
- The question you should ask yourself before speaking - and it's not 'what do I say?'
- How to overcome the fear of forgetting what to say.
Hello hello welcome to the LAST EPISODE of That Voice Podcast … for the season. Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere, just taking a few weeks off the podcast to rest and reset.
The key to sustainability is recognising the rhythm of your own energy and not throwing yourself balls you know you’ll drop.
So whether it’s a podcast, or social media content, or course launching (Doors are open to FEAR TO FIERCE LIVE NOW by the way) – get clear on what you can and want to manage and don’t be comparing yourself to others, because you don’t know their lives, the size of their teams, their experience.
And if you fall into the trap of oh they podcast that often, or they post that often and then burn yourself out trying to emulate. Then you’ll stop doing the thing altogether. You’ll stop feeling excited about it. When anything in your business feels like a chore. It’s a sign to ditch it. Delegate it to someone else or take a little break from it.
I’m 6 years into this business and a big advocate of sustainable habits. People often ask me how I keep showing up online, on this podcast, in the emails, in Soul Speakers, for my clients and I’d say it’s because I’m getting better at energy management It’s not time management, it’s energy management. Knowing when to rest. Looking ahead in the calendar and seeing when I need to block out a day to reset.
Right, that was a long winded explanation of why the podcast is taking a few weeks off. Let me know if you’d like an episode about this. It is 100% related to your voice because your voice holds the codes of how you feel. And if you’re stressed, exhausted, over-it, doing it because you think you have to… then you can’t hide those vibes and it’ll hurt your business more than help it.
Now if you’re wasting energy on speaking related things. Like taking forever to record a video or podcast or online course because you’re second guessing, making mistakes, not liking the way you sound of look. Then you’re in the right place. I want to help you channel your precious energy into what matters. Using your voice, not worrying about using your voice.
So here we are episode 221 – Always know just what to say … how good would that be…
In a meeting the words flow
On a podcast the inspiration comes to you
There is no brain freeze or mind blocks while you’re presenting because.. you always know just what to say…
And this is one of the most common things I hear from my clients.
I’m fine as long as I know my content.
I won’t get nervous if I know what to say.
If I can read off my notes, I’m right as rain.
Always knowing what to say .. would solve all your speaking problems, right?
Ugh not really.
I know this sounds counterintuitive but asking - what do I need to say? Isn’t a great question to ask to ensure you know what to say.
And this is one of the reasons I created Fear to Fierce course, which is now open for a LIVE round starting on November 4th
Now you might’ve heard of the 7-38-55 rules which was developed by a psychology professor called Albert Mehrabian.
And it basically showed that in communication only 7% is the words we use. 38% is our tone of voice and 55% is our physiology – the state our body is in. The emotions which affect our body language.
So focusing so heavily on what words do I say, what’s the content? Is wasted energy.
Because even if you nail the words, you can still get 93% wrong.
And we see this time and time again.
The way you speak is more important that what you say.
What do I want the audience to FEEL is a much better question to ask yourself than what do I want the audience to KNOW.
People won’t remember what you said, they’ll remember how you made them feel right, the Maya Angelou quote. And we lock feelings in from the vibrations of the voice, the energetics of the body.
So instead of conveyer-belting a stream of information, work on coveying a stream of emotion.
At the time of recording this I’ve had a big week of travel for Media Training. So I was up at Moranbah in regional Queensland working with the local council and then down to Adelaide to work with firefighters. It was really fun, I put the full suit on and got taken up in the Bronto, which is the aerial appliance which extends up similar to a cherry picker. It was awesome.
In case you are new around here. I spent almost a decade as a radio and TV news reporter and 4 and half years as spokesperson for a major water company, so helping people nail media interviews is something I’m well versed in, having been both sides of the microphone.
So in the training we have a mock scenario tailored to the organisation and we go through how to put together the key messages, how to answer tricky questions and when we’re workshopping it around the table, people are smashing it. They sound clear and calm and the words flow.
But then of course we have a light and a microphone and a camera and I pretend to be the journalist and we practice. And it’s a whole different kettle of fish. As you can imagine people sometimes have a bit of a brain freeze, bizarre statements come out of their mouth and watching back a lot of people comment that they look s bit stiff a bit deer in the headlights. Now by the end everyone is nailing it, that’s why we do the training right.
But it’s a great example to show that if you don’t have the skills to master your body, your voice your energy – then it doesn’t matter how well you’ve prepared what to say. It’ll either go out the window, get completely twisted or just not land in an influential way.
On the flip side, when you do know how to master your energy, your voice, your body in that presentation environment then you’ll find words better than you’d even practiced. Because you’re opening up that energetic channel that is your voice allowing the divine downloads to come in. You’re centred, you’re connected, you’re grounded and you trust yourself.
That fear of forgetting vanishes, because you have all the codes within you. They can’t be forgotten.
The word confidence means ‘to trust’ having confidence in yourself is having trust in yourself. It’s backing yourself, it’s believing in yourself. And this is where we dig a bit deeper into the language of your self talk and your speaking beliefs.
So I was working with a client who recently got a leadership role and she was asked to do a whole of staff presentation.
And she said I don’t want to say the wrong thing.
And I asked, what is the wrong thing? What is the right thing?
(this is important because often we have no measure of what is right or wrong, we just enjoy setting ourselves up for failure with wishy washy expectations.)
“Oh I don’t want to sound stupid or like I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“Do you know what you’re talking about?
Now this is where the old Imposter can come knocking at the door trying to convince you you’re a fake a fraud a phoney despite evidence to the contrary.
And we got to that even though she was new to the role, she knew the industry inside out, there was a reason she’d been asked to speak, and it was less about the information she was sharing and more about introducing herself to the wider company.
And this is another speaking myth. I call it the content cage. Where there’s this belief that we speak purely to share information. That’s what always knowing exactly what to say is paramount.
If all it’s about is content sharing, there are plenty of other channels to use. Could’ve been an email. Why are we speaking it’s because we have the magic of the our tone of voice and the irreplaceable energy of our physiology our bodies.
There’s also the villification of the pause. Where if you need to think and don’t have the words right there and then ready to hit right back across the net, then you think that they’ll think that you don’t know what you’re talking about and they’ll think you’re incompetent and then you’ll lose the job or the client, lose your house and by the end of the day you’ll be on the street eating cat food out of a tin. I call that Catastrophising. Wasted energy.
What if silence was golden. And taking a pause was powerful. Actually one study found more charismatic people take longer pauses before speaking because we tend to make up in words what we lack in confidence. So maybe always knowing what to say shouldn’t even be the goal. What about knowing when to pause. And there’s a great episode called the power of pause episode 151. Well worth a listen if you believe silence is uncomfortable or awkward.
Now of course I’m not negating the need for word choice and structure and preparation, if you’ve been here for a while you’ll know it’s a big part of what we do.
And my most downloaded ever freebie is my ebook – What to Say when you don’t know what to say and I share some structures there for you. Link in shownotes.
But what you say is either voided or enhanced by you tone of voice and your physiology.
This is why Fear to Fierce is such a staple course to do.
Starting November 4th you’ll breakthrough your speaking fears and find your confident voice in 4-weeks. Because being afraid of not knowing what to say, stems from not being confident in yourself.
So get out of your own way. Actually this is some feedback I’ve had on the course, is that it gives you’re the tools to get out of your own way. To clear those blockages which are stopping you from finding the words. I guide you through 12 really practical, strategic exercises – all of which I’ve done and many are repeatable so I use almost daily. And these exercises won’t give you the exact words you need to say for your presentation, they’ll give you the ability to not need the exact words for your presentation. So you can speak up in a meeting, or on a podcast or on stage or on a panel and connect with people on a vibrational soul level. Because they don’t hear rehearsed words you’re strugglingt o get out because you’re cloaked in fear, they feel the flow of your heart that come from someone who is beautifully secure in themselves, they have a fierce flame glowing within. We’re all different, and that’s why this course is designed for YOU to step into YOUR fierce. And witness a whole of other amazing people doing the same.
Fear to Fierce LIVE, jump in the link in the shownotes or DM me for more info.
It’s magic. I really hope to see you there.
That Voice Podcast will be back in a few weeks.