230. 3 language shifts that will change your life
A little tweak in language can make a big difference.
In this episode I take you through 3 language shifts that will change your life if used consistently.
1. Invite don't demand.
2. Say what you can do, not what you can't.
3. Replace I 'have' to with I 'get' to.
Transcript
Hello welcome back to That Voice Podcast.
We are up to episode 230.
If you’re a long time listener, a first-time listener or anywhere in between and you haven’t left a review – please do. I haven’t had an apple review since May and I can see on the back end more and more people are listening so I’d appreciate the feedback if you’re enjoying tuning in.
I recently got back from a week trip to New Zealand’s north island. I went with my sister and her three kids. My nieces Issy and Hannah and my nephew Sam – they’re 13, 11 and 8 and we had great fun. You might have seen on socials @sallyprosservoice that I got out of my comfort zone and went ziplining. We also went to Hobbiton where the Lord of the Rings was partly filmed and did lots of beautiful walks – the scenery in NZ is just unbeatable.
We also went to a thermal park near Rotorua, the volcanic activity means you get this incredible landscape – like bright green lakes, and shooting geysers and bubbling mud pools. As Sammy said it was disgustingly fascinating – because the sulphur gas does smell like rotten eggs – and apparently your sense of smell does diminish over time, so I imagine was worse for the kids.
Now on our way to the entrance to the park, there was lots of cars, people everywhere, but it was so organised they had people directing traffic and one thing this Kiwi bro said to us inspired this episode.
He didn’t want us crossing the main road which was the most direct access to the park, he wanted us to go up the scenic route to keep the flow of traffic and for safety right.
He could’ve said – You can’t go this way. He could’ve said “You have to go that way.” He could’ve said nothing at all and just pointed with his hand.
What he said was “Just take a nice walk up here, ey”
And it made me smile because it was just a great example of how tiny tweaks in language choice can totally change the interaction. We didn’t feel like it was a bad thing we couldn’t go the direct way, we were getting a nice walk. We didn’t feel like we were wrong for going somewhere we shouldn’t. We didn’t feel herded. We had this really nice human to human interaction. Now this is indicative of the nature of almost every New Zealander I’ve met, I love the New Zealander communication style, it’s so chill, it’s so friendly, it’s so kind. If you’re a kiwi please let me know if you agree or disagree with this.
By the way, did you know I’m quarter kiwi – my nan, my mum’s mum was from Auckland. My grandad from Australia worked as a merchant sea captain and they met at a dance when he was in port. Very romantic. Apparently they got engaged the second time they met, because they’d courted each other through letters while my grandad was at sea.
So maybe that’s why I have a soft spot for New Zealand.
And there’s something we can all learn from this kind of communication style. And in this episode I want to share 3 little language shifts you can make that incrementally will really change your life. Communication is the path to connection and so the stronger connections we can make in our workplaces and personal lives, the more we’re understood for who we are and the more fulfilling life is.
So the first language shift, inspired by our traffic director.
Is invite don’t demand.
Nobody likes being told what to do.
And there’s nuance. The phrase, take a nice walk up here. Is a direction. It’s not would you like to take a walk up here. The invitation is in the delivery and word choice. Who wouldn’t want to take a nice walk? Therefore it was delivered as an invitation to do something nice.
Let’s apply this to the workplace.
Instead of “I need this done by the end of the day.”
Try “You can get this done by the end of they day?” or “Can you get this done by the end of the day?”
It’s just a tiny tweak – same meaning, but it makes it invitational not demanding.
And this is a really great sister episode to number 215 which is 3 tips for tricky conversations, so especially if you lead a team – go back and listen to that episode.
If you don’t lead a team and you use demanding language with your peers or your leaders… it’s a dangerous trait. You might think you’re being direct and to the point but it can like a spear to your listener and puts people off.
Remember communication is the path to connection. It’s about the other person or people. It’s not about being right, it’s about the relationship.
Second is say what you Can not what you can’t
And you might’ve heard this one before.
If I say don’t think of a blue tree, you’ve probably got a picture in your mind of a blue tree.
That’s because the subconscious mind can’t distinguish the negative.
Parents might relate to this one. You say don’t run, and the kids hear run. So let’s walk is a better word choice.
This is same for affirmations. Always frame in the positive. Not I won’t second guess everything I say. Instead I trust the words flow with ease. And back in episode 130 I share a whole lot of speaking affirmations. Many of my clients have this one favourited.
And if you make a conscious effort to always communicate in the positive. People will form a positive perception around you. You’re a light, positive person to be around. Negative people use negative language – can’t won’t don’t so flip it to can, will and do.
And the final language shift I’ve shared many times on this podcast – replace I have to, with I get to.
It’s such a fundamental way to live and breathe an attitude of gratitude.
Gratitude is so good for the soul. It’s high vibrational – meaning more good things come to those who are grateful.
You can be grateful and fearful at the same time, so I get to do this speech instead of I have to do this speech will physiologically change how you feel going into it.
And look, I understand life can be tough. Especially big violent life curveballs like sudden loss or a health diagnosis or a relationship breakdown.
There is cracks of light to be seen through the darkest of times, so it’s about focusing on that light. There’s that quote, you more you practice the art of thankfulness, the more you have to be thankful for.
Invite don’t demand, Say what you can do not what you can’t and replace I have to with I get to.
And if you consciously and consistently practice these language shifts, it will become subconscious and the energy streaming through your voice and into the people around you will shift too.
If you’d like more of these tips, and a community to support, join Soul Speakers, and foster that energy of effective, positive, soulful spoken communication – and watch your life change for the better.