235. Unleash your bold, authentic voice
Be bold! Be authentic! They say...
But HOW do you actually do that?
In this episode I chat with Business Brand mentor Emily-Jane Saroff about how you can show up with your bold authentic voice.
We cover -
✨ How Em found her voice again after a challenging relationship.
✨ How to face the fear of judgement.
✨ The one technique she used to nail a 3 min opportunity to speak on a big stage.
✨ Practical ways to find your authentic voice, even if you're the opposite of an over-sharer.
Transcript
Hello. This season of That Voice podcast has had a real theme of sharing your story in your way in your voice. And today's episode fits right in. I have a great conversation with the energetic effervescent, Emily-Jane Sarroff. She calls herself the brand artist because she's all about helping people align their brand right across their business. And of course a big part of this is getting out there and using your bold, authentic voice. And of course, this is a key focus of my online group program Soul Speakers. So if you're listening to this and you're feeling you need some support, unleashing that bold, authentic voice of yours, come and join us. There are a lot of people in that boat. So in this episode, Emily shares how she lost her authentic voice and then found it again. She shares some brilliant reframes around showing up and sharing vulnerably. And Emily was also given three minutes at short notice on a big stage recently, and she tells the story of how she made the most of it, along with a hilarious symptom of pre-speaking nerves. I have not heard in a while.
Sally:
Emily-Jane Sarroff, it is such a pleasure to welcome you to that voice podcast.
Emily:
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited for this conversation.
Sally:
Yeah, me too. So let's get straight into it. What is your bold, authentic voice?
Emily:
Oh, I love this question because I feel like that's something that I'm really in the process of fully unlocking myself. Earlier on in my journey when I was 22 years old, I felt like I really had found my voice and had really like started to step into like that old authentic version of myself. And then there were things across my journey that made me kind of lose sight of my personal power and you know, different challenges that came up that then became hurdles for me to overcome that. Now through those things, I'm here at a point where I'm like finally reconnecting back with that bold and authentic voice and like that power that's inside of me that, yeah, I guess when I answer that question, it feels quite fresh again.
Sally:
Oh, and I know you can't see if you're listening along on camera, but Em, you just exude this beautiful lioness, warrioress energy.
Emily:
Oh
Sally:
So now I'm curious, in that journey, was there any particular stumbling blocks or something that stands out that made you really question and lose that authentic voice?
Emily:
Yes, and we're gonna go deep here for a minute, but after my first year of business, so I was 22 years old when I, I started my business and I lent all the way in and I hustled a little bit too hard. 'cause I was so focused on reaching six figures as quickly as I could. And I did, I got there in short timing. But once reaching that destination, like I had burnt myself out and being in that low vibrational energetic state, I then attracted more of that low vibe into my world through the form of a domestic violence relationship. And so I was someone who was, you know, so grounded in myself, so certain about my worth, my value, who I am, what I'm here to do. But after a year and a half of being in that relationship where there was a lot of, a lot of mental abuse that did go down it really created this disconnect between myself and that personal power that was once. So like I was so rooted in. And so that for me was like that big experience that had really knocked down my self-esteem to a point where I was essentially starting from square one again.
Sally:
Oh gosh, Em, I relate to that. I'm sure many women listening relate to that, where I'm sure if we could have our time again, we would not go through those experiences with those kind of people. However, when we're out the other side, they are formative experiences that help us return to who we're.
Emily:
Massively. And I even reflect on that experience. And it's interesting because, you know, there was so much in my life that had positioned me from a young age to be so grounded in my personal power. And that was really the first real test of how grounded I would stay in that when external forces were kind of trying to push me away. And whilst I did lose my footing, you know, for a a, a short while there, what I've now found in the journey that I've spent the last 12 months of really coming back to my personal power and becoming grounded in myself again, that now that self grounding is a lot stronger than what it was before. You know, like once it's, once you've been knocked off that footing once, it's like you learn how to reground yourself in those roots to just keep you there, even even stronger than before. So you know, like they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Very much the case.
Sally:
I really like the way you described that. It reminds me of the pressure makes diamonds. So would you say, you know, rediscovering your voice and stepping out into this new you and when you were talking about burning out, I was thinking of that trend where they say you girl boss a little too close to the sun.
Emily:
Yep.
Sally:
How have you then used that to show up online for your business?
Emily:
I mean, for me it's, and especially being in the personal branding space, I understand the importance of your story and how your story is ultimately what's going to move your brand forward. And so for me, I've always been a very open book, which is I I think a bit bit of a, a gift because I never really felt a lot of resistance around being vulnerable and being open and sharing my truth online. And so, you know, early on in my journey it was about sharing the burnout I was experiencing and allowing other people to be able to connect with me on that human to human level, you know, as someone they can relate to and someone that understands what they're going through. But particularly after going through that domestic violence journey, that was a, a bigger experience that I did find some resistance in sharing, particularly because, you know, there's someone else involved and where there's fear in your mind as well. Like, you know, I didn't want to create any scenarios that could have been draining on me and my own energy.
Sally:
Or dangerous for your safety as well.
Emily:
Oh for sure. But once I reached that point where I felt grounded in myself, I was owning my experience and accepting that this is my experience and if someone has something Ill to say about that, that's them, that's on them because this is my truth and this is my journey that I have been on. Then I started to share that experience more openly and I truly found that in being open and vulnerable about, you know, that relationship that I was in, it actually attracted in more of the kinds of women that I actually wanted to be working with in business because they could, again, resonate with me. They could see that if I could hold myself through that experience, then I can hold them through whatever experiences they go through as well in business. So I guess to come back to to the question, sharing my journey has been such a powerful way to really move the needle forward in my business because it's allowed me to build a community of people who are truly in alignment with myself and the mission that I'm on.
Sally:
Oh, this season of the podcast has such a strong theme about women sharing their stories. So if you've been listening for this this season, you'll know there's such a strong theme. There's that knock on the door saying, get out there and share your story. So em, I'm a bit like you, I'm an open book queen. I've always erred on the side of probably giving too much information. So what if you are not like us and you are more on the side of I don't wanna reveal anything, I don't wanna show any vulnerability, and we're out here saying, get online, be authentic, share your pain, share your story, and they're like blinking their eyes going, where do I start?
Emily:
Yeah. So there's two things I'd say to this. The first thing is actually ask yourself what is the opportunity or the potential that you are missing out on because of an emotion that you're trying to avoid, right? So if fear is coming up for you and fear is the reason why you're not wanting to share your story or be public online, then actually think about what's the potential that you are holding yourself back from experiencing because of an emotion that you don't want to feel that you think will be attached to doing that very thing. And that's the first part. Now, if it's not a part, not a piece of of fear necessarily or, or an emotion you're trying to avoid, but it's more so you just feel like you wanna have these boundaries around what you do share online, then I respect that completely.
Emily:
And this was a conversation I actually had with one of my clients just the other day because, you know, we are building out her brand and talking about sharing her story online, but then there's layers to that story that she actually doesn't wanna share because they're far too personal and just things she doesn't wanna be putting out there. And so that's fine because you don't need to share all of those little details. Instead what you wanna look at is like, what is the core message in the experience that you went through that your audience can ultimately relate to? And we can find a way to demonstrate that where it doesn't necessarily involve you sharing the full details. You can maintain that level of privacy that you want, but still be having a voice that is connected to the hero's journey that you have been on.
Sally:
Hmm. That's such an important distinction. Storytelling is not about sharing every deep, dark detail. Yeah. So you're saying clients say to you, oh, I don't wanna share every single detail of this story. What are some other objections that your clients share with you about showing up online with their bold, authentic voice?
Emily:
The biggest thing I see is just this fear of being seen in the sense of if they are seen, then they risk being rejected. And then that comes back to their self-esteem and their self-worth and the story that they then make up about that. And so whenever someone doesn't wanna show up online, like it either comes down to like, you know, wanting to keep a certain level of privacy or the fact that, you know, they're scared that putting themselves out there is going to ultimately come back to this story that they have about their self-worth and them not being good enough and the world's going to prove that to them.
Sally:
Yeah. Because it's ultimately a mirror, isn't it?
Emily:
Massively. But I always like, when I do talk to my clients that bring up these kinds of self-esteem wounds when it comes to being visible and being seen, like the first thing I always say is, for one, who are you to think that every single person in this world is entitled to liking you? You know, and that's the very first thing, and I say it in that way because it, it is a humorous thing to think when we go in our head, oh, but I don't want someone to reject me and not like me.
Sally:
Deep conditioning there isn't there.
Emily:
Right. That ultimately means that you expect that the entire world is meant to like you. The reality is they're not, I can admit myself that not everyone I come across is going to like me, but as long as I'm showing up as my most authentic self and I'm not hiding parts of myself in hope to be liked by everyone, then I can know for certain that the people who are meant for me and the people that I am meant to, to be connecting with are going to find me because I'm not hiding the parts of myself that they're waiting to see.
Sally:
Oh yes. You know, if you're posting to be liked, you're posting for the wrong reason. And also you are never gonna be liked by everybody. So we might as well not be liked for being who we truly are rather than putting on a mask that isn't us anyway.
Emily:
Exactly. And on another layer, it's just about connecting in with your mission and your why and the service that you're here to do. And when you stay focused on service and stay focused on the fact that you know what you've been placed on this earth to do and this mission that you have on your heart and this business that you wanna build and the impact you wanna make is so much bigger than yourself and you focus in on that, then that actually helps with overcoming some of those fears and those blocks.
Sally:
Yeah. I like to say you've gotta get off Mimi Island
Sally:
What about you? I say, you know, you post to serve, you post to advocate.
Emily:
Yeah.
Sally:
It does get under the skin if people consider themselves to be quite serving, not selfish people. And I say, oh, well, you know, it's a little bit narcissistic to be thinking about yourself this much. It's not really about you. So look, it's challenging though, isn't it? So what are some practical things, maybe one or two tips that people can, can take today?
Emily:
The first thing is to just do the, the self discovery first and foremost. Like, you actually need to start by connecting in with yourself
Sally:
On a practical level. How could someone do that today? How do you start, like you and I, you know, when you, when you've done the work and you sort of get it, it all starts to make sense, but when you're starting out you're like, what do you mean get to know myself? Like what do I actually do?
Emily:
So the simplest way you could do that today, I like to personally pick up a journal. Like when I think self-discovery, that was the first personal development work I did was just journaling and asking myself questions. So I mean, I, I guess one of the first questions you could ask yourself is what makes me unique and what is it that I'm hiding from the world that actually they need to see? And that could be a really powerful question for you to actually start to identify what makes you so uniquely you and what parts of yourself do you, could you bring forward into the world to then make an impact on other people? And you may not have the answer straight away, but that's okay. Keep sitting with the question and the more that you sit with it, the more will start to come through.
Sally:
Yeah, fantastic. And you can talk to yourself in the shower and you can also do voice journaling as well. So last year you were given a stage spot at Dream Fest.
Emily:
Yes.
Sally:
Big business conference held down on the Gold Coast. You've got three minutes. How did you make the most of that time?
Emily:
You best bet that I made the absolute most of those three minutes of fame that I was given that day. And honestly, actually I was told like five days before the event that I was going to be having that spot as well. But I'm someone who does perform quite well under pressure. And so I really, the task that I was given was to share a bit about my, my story in working with you know, the, the man that obviously put the event together. And I asked myself, well, what is knowing where everyone is in the audience, what is one thing in my journey? Because there's many things that have happened in my journey, what is one thing they'll be able to connect in with the most that I can share the most value on? And so when it comes to storytelling, especially on social media, right?
Emily:
Like if we think about social media, you only really have like 60 seconds of storytelling time to really connect in with your audience. Always think about what is the one thing that if I was to share this, it will make the biggest impact on them because too many people get caught up in like wanting to share and talk everything about themselves that then no message actually ends up being received because again, they're focused on themselves when they're doing the storytelling instead of focusing on the person who's actually receiving that. And so that's what I did was ask myself that question of what is the one thing that if I was to share this on stage today, it will leave the most value for my audience.
Sally:
Yeah, really great. There's a myth that volume equals value. So people think, wow, I've got three minutes and the more things I can pack into that time. And that happens for every presentation, whether it be three minutes or you know, three hours. Yes. When you're totally right, it's more about zeroing in going, well, what's the one message that I wanna leave people with? What's the one story that I can go with? Oh, amazing. And I have to ask you as well, because I know a lot of people listening to this podcast, if they were given five days notice to stand on a big stage in front of some pretty big business hitters.
Emily:
Yeah.
Sally:
If they would've been beside themselves with nerves, oh
Emily:
Yeah, I get nervous, I'll, I'll be so open with you now. Whenever I go to do like something speaking wise on stage, I get this feeling that I need to do a nervous, but I never actually need to do it just feeling that is so uncomfortable because imagine like going on stage, but feeling like you need to go to the toilet. And this is something I've literally experienced since I was a kid in high school and primary school. Like I've done 15 years of public speaking, you know, and I'm only 26 now, and that 15 majority of those years were in my schooling years. So there was a lot of foundation that was built around being able to trust myself when it comes to communicating. So for me, when it was about getting up on that stage, it was about focusing in on like the potential again, rather than focusing in on that emotion that I wanna avoid.
Emily:
And that potential for me was visualizing myself standing on a stage that's my own stage in front of hundreds of thousands of people, like giving a keynote speech. And I, in that moment, remember shutting my eyes in the green room and I just channeled like, how would she stand? How would she walk out on stage? How would she feel in this moment? And of course there'd be nerves in that moment as well, but there would also be this deep level of trust and power that I, you know, that my future self is anchoring into. And I just borrowed that in that moment. And that's really what I do whenever I have one of those speaking opportunities or even just any kind of experience that stretches my comfort zone in some way. Yeah.
Sally:
What a beautiful strategy as well because it's very much getting your power from yourself. Oh, nice. And how did it go? How was it received?
Emily:
It was great. I actually remember being up on that stage and I felt so in flow. I remember just feeling like, yes, this feels right. I trust myself. It's funny because when I get up on the stage, I don't even think about what I'm saying because when I'm in that state of flow, if I'm too busy thinking, then it's not going to come out the way that it should come out. And so I just surrendered and I just trusted myself and I just allowed, I just allowed my body to do its thing.
Sally:
You opened up your crown chakra and you allowed the divine downloads to flow. So, you know, we talk about our voice being this energetic channel and when you can open it all up, it's like you are, you are just the vessel for the divine message.
Emily:
If you know, like human design, all of my like upper areas of my human design are fully open, they're undefined. So for me personally, like that's something that when I do trust myself, I really can easily like channel like that. Yeah. That just divine wisdom like you said. But again, like it starts with self-trust. If you don't trust yourself to be able to get into that place of flow, then you, you're not gonna get there.
Sally:
Yeah. Well that's what confidence is, right? Confidence means to trust. Having confidence in yourself is having trust in yourself. Oh, so beautiful. And was there anything else you'd like to add?
Emily:
I always like to wrap this up by just reinforcing, you know, like when you do trust yourself, you're able to unlock so many doors, you're able to step into, you know, a higher version of yourself and even just trust in the potential that there is a version of you who has every single thing that you want and has overcome those fears that are holding you back right now. And when you can anchor into that trust, then those barriers begin to fall down.
Sally:
Oh, so beautiful. Love it. Where can people find you?
Emily:
I'm so easy to find. Instagram is where I hang out the most @empowerwithem Or if you do wanna listen to my podcast, which goes all the way back to 22-year-old Em before she started her business, that's the Empower With Em podcast on any of your streaming platforms.
Sally:
Ah, Emily-Jane Sarroff, thank you so much for coming on that voice podcast. Thank you
Emily:
So much for having me, Sally.