49. Public speaking mindset hacks

If you're afraid of public speaking, take a listen to this. I share three ways you can change the story in your mind to reduce nerves and boost confidence.

Click here to watch The Art of Being Yourself by Caroline McHugh

Transcript

I hate public speaking. Everyone's looking at me. Stop looking at me. Oh no, they're looking away. Don't look away. Oh gosh. Maybe I'm boring. I'm just going to get through this as quickly as possible and then go and have a stiff drink.

If it sounds like I just entered your mind. There's a bit of rearranging we need to do so let's dive into public speaking mindset hacks.

I'm Sally Prosser. You're listening to That Voice Podcast, no matter who you are or what you do, your voice matters. So unless you've sworn a lifetime vow of silence, this is the podcast for you.

If you want to speak with confidence and enjoy being in the spotlight, if you want to speak with clarity and breathe through the stage fright, and if you want to speak with charisma and have the audience woot wooting! from the back, then join My Six Week Voice Makeover.

We are mid-course, which means you'll have to register your interest for the next one at sallyprosser.com.au And week number one is mindset. Mindset is so important. It's that critical first step. Our real voice is a megaphone for our inner voice. And the story we tell ourselves is critical to how successful our speaking is. So in this episode, episode 49, where one off the half century 49, wow. I'm going to share with you three public speaking mindset hacks, bit of a tongue twister, three public speaking mindset hacks that work for me and have also worked with many of my clients. So if public speaking brings up fear and loathing for you, we are going to change the story.

And number one comes from my favorite Ted talk. My favorite Ted talk is The art of being yourself by Caroline McHugh. People always say, Oh, you'll be fine. Just be yourself. Like it's the easiest thing to do. Anyway, check out the Ted talk. I'll link to it in the show notes in the Ted talk, Caroline McHugh was telling a story about how, when her parents had people around for dinner or a party or something like that, she'd have to come down the stairs with her sisters and lineup and sing a song.

Caroline McHugh: So one night my mother came up to get us and we would all upstairs having pillow fights and everything. Then she showed up. She said right Lassies everybody's ready, go down and give them a song. And this night I was just overcome. I said, I don't want to sing. She said, why do you not want to sing? I said, I'm shy. She said, what are you shy for? I said, well, everybody's going to be looking at me and I'll never forget her face. She looked at me. She said, Caroline, don't flatter yourself. You think anybody down the stairs is interested in you? They're not. Your job's to go down there and make mum happy. So go and sing, I said, okay. And I picked up my guitar and I picked up my sisters and you know what? That advice has never left me. But what it has left me with is spectacular disregard for where my abilities end and spectacular disregard for being the center of attention. In fact, since that day, I have never been the center of attention. You're the centre of mine. And that's a very different feeling.

You're not the center of attention. The audience is the center of yours. What a great way to think about it. Everyone's not looking at you. You're looking at everyone. You know, we have this kind of attention delusion where when we're public speaking, we just feel like all the eyes are just glued on us. Let's flip that around. You're not the center of attention. The audience is the center of yours, your glaring at them. They're not glaring at you. In your mind. It helps turn speaking into an act of service. An act of service, not an act of stardom, right? It's not about, Oh, I'm the center of attention. Look at me. Look at me (unless you're me on my coffee table after a few wines on a Friday night). But generally when we're speaking, we are not out there to be the star of the show. We are out there as an act of service to give to the audience. And that leads to my next mindset hack.

Number two, you are the shepherd. You are the shepherd. You love your sheep. You care about your sheep. And if a sheep strays, you've got to go and get it, find it, help it get back with the flock. All right. So someone in the audience looks at their phone or walks out or is talking to someone rather than go to that worst case scenario in our mind. Now worst case scenario is, Oh, they're laughing at me. They're bored. Oh, they hate me. This is the worst thing they've ever been to in their life. Instead think, Oh, they're a lost sheep. How do I get them back? And there's plenty of ways you can get them back. When it comes to speaking, you could take a step forward, take a pause, lower the volume, raise the pitch - a raft of other techniques which formed the bulk of what I do. Remember we aren't what others think we are. We aren't what we think we are. We are what we think others think we are. I will say that again. We are what we think others think we are. If we go in there, if we step up to that microphone or turn on that webcam and go in there thinking 'they'll be bored.' We'll think we're boring. NO. We are the shepherd. These are our beautiful sheep who need us and love us. And we will guide them to the light with all of our valuable information. I'll start getting all Woo Woo on you. Although it was my friend, Clare Wood says, yay, for Woo Woo. Alright.

So number one, you aren't the center of attention. The audience is the center of yours. Number two, you're the shepherd. You're there to guide there to help. Now our third public speaking mindset hack isn't so nicey nice. And this won't motivate everyone. So please don't feel attacked, but it motivates me. And I know it's helped others.

And that is stop being so selfish and irresponsible. Come on, like you have something valuable to share. People need to hear what you have to say. They want to hear what you have to say. And you're crying in the corner being a sook because what you nervous. Well, you don't like public speaking. Come on, don't be a baby. It is selfish and irresponsible of you to hold onto all that value and not share with people. Oh gosh, getting myself worked up. Keep in mind. This is not me talking to you. This is a mindset hack I use to snap myself out of public speaking nerves and hesitation. Whenever I'm feeling all self absorbed and Oh, I can't do it. And I don't have what it takes. I'm no good. As my mum would say, Oh, nobody loves you. Everybody hates you. You're going out to eat some worms. She used to always say that when I was feeling too sorry for myself. We do not want to cave into the self pity snap out of it. Give yourself a slap in the face. Give yourself a couple of uppercuts. You do have value to share. People do want to hear from you. So pull your socks up, dab your running eyeliner and get out there and give the people what they want.

Where do you go from there? All right. So quick recap. Number one, you're not the center of attention. The audience is the center of yours. Number two, you are the shepherd and number three, stop being a selfish sook, have a cup of concrete and get out there and share your voice with the world.

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